Some Of Us Can’t Handle Euthanasia, And That’s OK
I’ve wanted to write this for years, but each time I’d start I had to stop. But after seeing so many negative comments towards people that struggle with the subject of euthanasia I knew I had to share my story. We all handle death differently – and it’s important to understand that. Some of us can’t just turn on the “be tough & handle it” switch.
After reading this piece I was disturbed and hurt by some of the comments. It’s clear to me that even a personal topic like euthanasia isn’t safe from the “my way is the correct way” mentality, and that we all just really love being able to put our own 2 cents in.
People believe that we “should be there no matter what, they’re family after all.” I get that, and trust me when I tell you I feel like a monster for not being there for my last dog Carter, but please hear me out before you judge further.
When you suffer from an anxiety disorder you’ll be told to just “handle it,” as if it were that simple.
Some of Us Really Can’t Handle Euthanasia
Carter was my best friend for 13 years. Although that might seem like a long time us dog lovers know it’s never long enough. He came down with a lot of illnesses during those last few months. None of them were terminal on their own, but they each led to varying amounts of suffering and discomfort.
As our vet visits became more than just a weekly thing I started to realize – maybe he’s just not going to get better. A terminal illness diagnosis might have made the euthanasia decision more obvious, though I’m pretty sure I would have struggled mightily no matter what.
After months of watching him struggle I finally decided it was the “right” time. But looking back my heart never decided “hey this is the right” time, it was more like the “expected” time.
For days I stared at the phone, knowing what I had to do, but being unable to actually make the call. Eventually with tears running down my face I asked my boyfriend if he could make the appointment for me. He did, and things were a go for the next day at 2:30.
That morning I called into work, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through even a morning shift without breaking down.
I was going to make this our day, Carter and I were going to spend every second together. We ate all sorts of yummy-but-bad-for-you food and snuggled for hours. He didn’t seem to want to get up and explore much so we just laid in the yard, sniffing the breeze and soaking up the warm spring sun.
Then 2:00 hit and I knew it was time. I wasn’t ready but I knew it had to be done. And of course Carter was excited when I asked him if he wanted to go for a ride, which further broke my heart into a million more pieces.
On the way there I kept telling my boyfriend “I can’t do this, I can’t do this,” as I struggled to breathe. I didn’t know what was happening but I felt stuck in a bubble. The only thing I could think of was how I couldn’t let someone put my dog to sleep today. I just couldn’t.
When we parked I tried to calm down which really wasn’t working well. Take deep breaths they say, close your eyes and think of the ocean they say. Easier said than done when dealing with the imminent death of a beloved friend.
In the car my poor Carter was picking up on my tense & nervous vibes as my boyfriend tried to comfort me. I wasn’t ready, I would never be ready for this.
I did every mind trick I could think of. I told myself “it’s the right time,” “you can do this,” and “he’s suffering.” None seemed to being me much comfort, I was paralyzed.
I had my boyfriend grab Carter’s collar as we made our way in. It was obvious what we were there for I’m sure from my red, tear stained face. I was a complete zombie and I knew it. I was walking but couldn’t feel anything. People were talking but I wasn’t listening. I was stuck inside my own head – and it was starting to get warm and tingly.
Finally it was our turn to enter the vet’s room.
Shortly after we entered the room I passed out. Turns out I really couldn’t handle it, though I knew I had to for Carter’s sake. I did my best to stay strong for him, but I ended up failing. As he waited nice and patiently for the vet to come in I was ended up on the on the floor.
After getting back up onto my feet and getting over the shock of it all I knew I had to leave.
I kissed him, hugged him & told him goodbye and walked out of the room before it was all over. I’ll never get over the look of concern on his face – it’s something I’ll never forget. I lost it in front of everyone, but most importantly I lost it in front of my dog in his last few moments on Earth. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
My boyfriend stayed while they put him to sleep. I just couldn’t.
I still wonder to this day if it would have been better if I stayed outside so Carter wouldn’t have had to see me fall. I don’t know much about what really goes on in a dogs mind but I imagine he was quite worried about me in those moments. His last moments were filled with concern for me, you don’t know how terrible that makes me feel.
My suffering didn’t end that day. I wasn’t relieved, I didn’t feel better, and I couldn’t get over the guilt of not being there in Carter’s last moments.
For months I couldn’t drive past the vet’s office. I’d freeze up and start panicking, and I’d end up having to turn off the road well before I got there. I ended up taking 30 minute detours to get to work. I couldn’t function at work for weeks – I was stuck in that moment and couldn’t remove myself. As much as I would have loved to I couldn’t just handle it.
Some of us don’t handle euthanasia well, and some of us faint when faced with it. It doesn’t mean we love our pets less. It might be a lack of resilience or constitution, or it might just be our own anxiety, fear or post traumatic stress acting up. Whatever it is it feels terrible, and being told that we’re selfish for choosing not be there rips right into the heart.
I know it’s easy to say “well I did it” and expect the same from others, but please understand that not everyone can handle things like you. One of the hardest things about dealing with mental illness is the lack of understanding from others.
We would love to be there, but some of us can’t. I wish I could have, I’d be filled with so much less regret if I could have stayed. But I couldn’t, and I have to accept that.
And for those like me who don’t do well in stressful situations that involve death just know you’re not alone. We’ve all been through situations in our past that still effect us, some good and some not so good. It makes you feel as if you’re completely alone and isolated, but trust me you’re not alone. Many of us struggle in silence.
As for the future I’m going to be look into at home euthanasia. At least I’ll be able to pass out in my own home if it comes to it.
And for those of you who like to tell people that they’re selfish for not being there in the end maybe you’re right. Maybe suffering from an anxiety disorder is somehow selfish, but please just keep your opinion to yourself.
Some of us can’t handle euthanasia, and that’s OK.
I’m so sorry, Jen! ~hugs~
I think in home euthanasia is something that I really want to look into when it’s time for us. My dogs hate the vet anyways and I think it would just be easier for them to do it at home.
I had my dog euthanized at home she was 18 years old, fragile, hated the vet trips so there was no way I was going to make her go through that before passing. It was so much better at home for all of us, Daisy was as comfortable as she could be in her own home with all her family surrounding her, it was soooooo much better and am very pleased we were able to do that for her.
I am faced with the same decision for my 18 year old Daisy. I am so stressed out all the time taking care of her, but still I can’t make the call. I pray every night to find the strength to do it, but so far I haven’t. My last dog went on her own but I never forgave myself for waiting so long. I really want to do what’s best for the girl, but at this point it’s more about what’s best for me. I wish she would say “mom, I’m ready but that hasn’t happened, in fact I don’t feel she wants to go. In home euthanasia sounds like the only way. Pray for me to get some strength-i really need it.
I’m so glad I read this article and comments.Our sweet dogs legs are failing her and at times she can’t feel in her rump so she’s having accidents. We wanted her to have a good death rather than a bad quality to life. Lap of love is coming tomorrow. I’m glad I heard about doing the hardest thing ever but at least she’ll be home. Lots of tears for my sweet girl
I have to put my dog down soon. I decided in two weeks because i need time to get used to the idea or im just trying to put off the inevitable..idk
I feel like im going to probably pass out too. I was thinking of asking my doctor for a nerve pill of some sort so I can go through with it. Ive had her for almost 16 years and shes been my shadow. I wish she would pass in her sleep or get some kind of diagnoses that would force the decision on me but she hangs in there. Shes frail and u comfortable and i know its time. It feels like the right thing to do but at the same time it feels so wrong.
Hi. My baby Ching -Tao. His legs have failed. I got him the doggie wheelchair but he’s all of 6 lbs and it just didn’t suit him or myself. Now he’s to where he can’t even reposition himself and yes souls his bed. I do wheelbarrow him to pee and poop. Anyhow. Suppose to put him to sleep tomorrow. I have doubts
Thank you for writing this article. I am feeling very guilty for not being able to bear being there while they put my sweet kitty down. He was my best friend for 10 years. It was a urinary blockage and his kidneys failed. It all happened over 2 days. I was devastated. I had hoped that he could be saved. Because of covid we weren’t allowed in but they allowed us to go in to say goodbye and be with him in his last moments. But I just couldn’t keep it together or bear to see him go so I left sobbing. Now I feel just awful. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I know someone understands how difficult it is to watch your love leave this world. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
This is happening to me, exactly the same. It was over a couple of days. I hope you are okay. I think I have to do it today.
I had a similar situation. My little cat buddy wasn’t eating for days and brought him to the vet to check on him. Turns out he had failing kidneys and there was not much they could do and suggested putting him to sleep. I was in hysterics but I tried to be there for him. As soon as they put the needle in I panicked and just couldn’t bear to see him fade away so I gave him a sobbing good bye and walked out, barely able to see through the tears. I still feel crushing regret for not being there for him, but I just didn’t know how to handle it.
I can’t imagine doing it…every time I do, my heart shatters like it is actually happening.
Mine has been shattered for 2 weeks, the guilt, I feel I deceived her because I couldn’t cope. She lost the use of her back legs, I bought her a cart and that was great but the anxiety was so bad for my girl I couldn’t even goto the toilet. No medication worked..she was 17years and 8 months….I close my eyes and wish for a better outcome. I’m a veterinary physiotherapist and I couldn’t have done enough to maintain her quality of life…but It wasn’t enough..I don’t like playing god and some people don’t realise how painful and hard it is to say goodbye….I prayed for her to go.in her sleep but she didn’t want to go..I didn’t want her to suffer, I watch people suffer daily in my job for no reason. Thankfully there is a choice for animals but unfortunately they don’t get to choose.
I can’t find the strength. My 15 year old princess. Feels like someone is crushing my heart. She is my best friend. The only soul I’ve ever cared about. She’s been with me through all my struggles. I feel like I’m fallen into a deep depression. I cry so hard everyday that I feel like I’m going to faint. People talk to me, but it’s like everything’s on mute. God help me please
I had to put to sleep my beloved Fofita, she was my companion for 11 yrs and had cancer. It happens last week. It was the sadness moment in my life. The vet convienced me saying she was suffering and the process wasnt going to be painful. From the moment he took her from my husbands arms I had been feeling guilt and cant forgiveme. I think this process had to be perform in the home not in the vet office. She was so stressfull and was worried more for me than for her, a mixed feelings .They dont deserve that moment. Please vet give the opportunity to them to go through it in their home. Not in the office were they are so afraid to go. I think i will never recover for this. I havent been able to work, feel very sad and nervous. Cant stop thinking of her.
Bruce I know your post is from last October, but I wanted to say how sorry I am, and that I understand and share your pain. God help us all when we have to lose our reason for living.
Virginia, I am the same way.
I was emotionally unable to be with my dog when I asked the vet to euthanize her. I had the vet call me when it was done.
I always believed she deserved better. I wish she would have had better. She was really something and meant so much to me. I wish I had been stronger.
I now realize I’ve been living with this guilt for about 15 yrs now. Wow. I hope that is long enough.
At the time I did my best. Need to accept it and try forgiving myself.
Best wishes to all.
I had to euthanize my dog of 17 years after the vets postponed it twice my anxiety was overwhelming I have such guilt about not being there I had no support as someone let me down I hope the guilt and pain will eventually disappear at times it is gut wrenching
So sad really. My heart goes out to you. It’s the most painful decision to make.
Sorry for your loss. I understand the pain of losing a beloved pet. We put our cat Harry down in August 2018. I too struggled with the decision of not being there when he was put to sleep. Up until that moment, I thought I could be there, I then broke down, said goodbye and walked out of the room. I struggled with the guilt, but since then have worked on reminding myself of the love and good times Harry gave us and we gave him.
Thank you for your story. It helps me to know I’m not alone.
Left my beautiful dog yesterday couldnt handle the situation.. Feel so bad now leaving her. Cant stop crying leaving her to die alone…
I just put my guy down on friday and i am devastated, i juat couldnt handle it and now i feel so much guilt
I am dealing with this right now.
My third pet..in 10 years
It is the hardest thing in the world.
I do not want to lose her…she is 17.7..cat…white…
Had her at vet.
Now just lost….they say you should stay…because..your friend…needs you to hold their paw….i did it with my first…but had a friend hold him..my first..we both held Randy…he went peacefully..his lungs were full of water..no choice..cancer.
Life is the SHITS
Thats what I’m saying they should give you a pill or something so when you can do it when its at place you feel comfortable and your furbaby not a office where its cold rushed and scary.Im struggling with my baby girl Pismo she has mouth cancer i cant do it she is my baby girl I got her after my son was murdered she has been my everything
.I DONT WANT HER TO SUFFER BUT I DONT WANT TO TAKE HER LIFE EITHER .
I don’t even know were to start I need some one my heart is hurting my name is Adam I’m 31 my mom and step dad got my womderfull jack russle satch he is 19 now and not doing very good vet said very low heart beat and he has vastubular and seeing what he is doing is killing me he’s laying under the blanket next to me on the floor I haven’t slept in 4 days this is going to be crazy I’m a mess and can’t see well here we go my step dad brought him home as a surprise he fit in the palm of his hand I was love first sight my parents said he to stay in cage tile he house broke and no sleeping with him that night I took him out of his cage and slept with me ever since over the years I would kick girlfriends out before my boy I trained him my self cut his nails cleaned his ears bathes he hated biut loved his ears never had a leash he always stayed buy I would take him to the river let him run wild still wouldn’t go far over the years I got into cars started building them he was right there well we all know nice flash fast cars nrimg girls lol so I had I had 4 same girl love of my life so now me and watched added more to are family plus !y two brothers they hated us my mom would say run down there wake your brothers well being a lazy I would say watch get em and point he would run down there and bark at door till they got up mad chaseimg him he come to me and knew he was safe I put my life and freedom on the lime for him he got out wondering and neighbor say your dog going up the road I get I’m my car get to top of street and what do I see sum guy out of his car holding him buy collar trying to get him in he flopping like a fish I see red hurting my family I slam on breaks run up not even thinking punch this guy in the face he drops my dog falls over I get !y dog go back home don’t look back so !ad not thinking 15 min later u guess it cops I get arrested well he ended broke eye soxcket I get 4 years I get out and satch was go happy and greatful actwed like I was never gone same routine and all I cryed tears of joy he hasn’t forgot me he playing with kids everything great for years all the happy times then my girl gets preg we have a son with trisomy 18 he pass in her arms 28 days after we being him home then 30 after that my biological father shoots him self in the head I’m a mess watch buy my side never left like he knew I was gunna do sumthing stupid I go to
Leave he wine jump up in window I then to drugs get six more months as!e thing get out he never changed I been out for a little over two years now and now this he can’t see can’t hear starting to throw up and poop in the house I wipe him with baby wipes carry him every were he gets dizzy falls over shake like he have sweiures I hold him right crying tellim hi!m lies its going to bwe OK I’m dieim for him for so many reason the time I missed and evruthimg my parents can’t being them swelf to put him down mor my brothers that leaves me how can I after all we been threw I kno its only right idk if sumthimg wrong with me from jail or my son passing or !y dad I cryed for both of them but watch right next to me layin looking into space and I can’t keep it toghter this is a cry for help for both of us sorry spelling messed up been crying for the past 4 days so tired but don’t want him to be without me again I’ll never see him agim a huge part of me is during with him and I know it sounds crazy but wish I could go with him Amy tips how to live life after he’s gone we got him a casket for him I can’t see myaself putting him in it
Hey how are you doing today?
I just read your reply and it really touched me
So sorry Jen for your loss and all who have lost a pet. I am grateful for finding this website. I felt so guilty for not being beside my Annie when her time came 3 days ago. Annie was 15 years old and a Carin Terrier. Her health was failing and her pain meds were no longer effective. She would drink an excessive amount of water and no longer wanted to eat. She was the runt of her litter and was human imprinted early on. She loved everyone and loved going to the vet. He would love on her and give her treats. When I took her to be euthanized in his office, I’m hoping she thought she would just be getting another teeth cleaning. When the time came, I was crying and chose to stay in the waiting room. The vet tech held her for a long time and loved on her. Annie gave him several kisses. He wrapped her in a baby blanket and took her back. I had already said my good-byes. I was only thinking of myself and not her and that made me feel guilty. My husband and I were planning a trip and I had boarding reservations but then decided I didn’t want her to die in a cage without us so we decided to euthanize before the trip. I felt guilty because I thought of the boarding expense and having to avoid that. I felt guilty deciding when she should die. Deep down, I know we made the right decision. I brought her home and buried her under her favorite bush. That brings me comfort knowing where she is. My husband could not help as he is handicapped. Every pet and person is different, No one has the right to judge another. Annie was our only pet and we miss her dearly. I often think of the quote I once read, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”
There is no right or wrong way to act, all that matters is the love that will in in your heart got your pet, as they will.
I wish I knew what words to type to give you comfort, but I don’t. When I was 18 years old I had to take our Bullmastiff to the vet for the last time. I wish I had thought to buy her some cheeseburgers on the way. We sat under a tree outside the vet’s office for about a half hour before I could bring myself to take her in. I wasn’t asked if I wanted to stay with her, and honestly I don’t know if I could have taken it, so I’m glad I wasn’t put in that difficult position. I do remember they gave me back her collar after she passed away. I can’t remember a thing about the rest of the day. I can tell you though, that just reading your story brought back all the emotion.
One of my sisters has a vet who only makes house calls and I think it was easier on my sister as well as her dogs when to have home euthanasia.
It saddens me that people are so quick to judge others.
My daughter and I just witnessed an in home euthanasia of her pet dog Princess who she had for 8 years. It was an unforgettable experience and she was deeply hurt but happy that she was with her in her final moments. The grieving process has just begun but I hope to be some help to her.
I feel the need to apologize for these jerks. Don’t let them get to you. They have no clue what it’s like to be you and are convinced that if everyone was like them the world would be a better place. Their insensitivity proves they couldn’t be more wrong.
Wow, what a powerful story. It was important to share this & it’s a topic I’ve never even thought about. I know my mom chose not to be there when some of our family’s previous dogs were euthanized. It is a personal choice. Hopefully this piece will make others think about their words. Carter was such a special dog.
I understand I’m going through this myself I have been upset all morning knowing that my best friend is going to be put doub as she has cancer she is 11yrs old I love her so much
This just broke my heart reading this. I’m so, so sorry Jen.
When our beagle, Roxanne stopped eating I knew she was ready. I called and made the appointment for two weeks out. I figured that gave her time to ‘rally.’ Except she didn’t. That morning I gave her the best meal she’d ever had and my husband and I took her to the vet. I was in the room with her, but I just couldn’t do it. I was absolutely hysterical in the corner of the room, while my husband stayed with her, stroking her. She was gone so quickly I know it was the right time, but I still couldn’t be there.
I’m will also be looking into at home Euthanasia when the time comes. I know I will be a giant wreck, but I want my dogs at home, in a comfortable place and surrounded by love.
I hope you can find a way to let some of the guilt/sadness/regret go. You couldn’t stay with Carter, but you found someone who could.
And I’m sorry for all the assholes in the world who think it’s okay to add their opinions to every situation and judge people for their actions. I’m sending you a giant hug and them a giant Eff you.
I couldn’t be with my baby boy Buddy. I felt it would just make me even more upset. I’m in so much guilt right now that my face wasn’t the last face he saw. What can I do to get over he grief
I euthanised my beautiful dog nine months ago he turned aggressive due to medication the vet prescribed for Anul furunculosis, I took him in and couldn’t stay I was in hysterics, now I can’t live with guilt, I’ve had a breakdown and counciling which hasn’t really helped. I was between the devil and the deep blue sea and just can’t get him out of my head, he was eleven and I just miss him terribly , sending out lots of hugs to those who are feeling lost and heartbroken
You explained exactly how im feeling , i put my boy down on friday and just could not be in the room . Did you ever start to feel better and less guilt ?
I know it’s been awhile since you put your dog down. I read your words and felt I needed to reach out to you. I don’t think we ever truly get passed putting our dogs down. Its unnatural. We don’t put humans down when they suffer. But I know from working with palitive patients that they are ready. Most Anyway. The suffering they go through is too much. They don’t enjoy life anymore, all they have is either foggy days of major pain control, or pain. And I truly believe animals are no different. The only difference is ‘we’ are making the decision to end their lives. What a burden to carry really. But that’s not to say it’s wrong. It’s humanity that makes us not want to see any living thing suffer.
But i know we don’t just die when out bodies do. So your fur baby is in his new place, wherever that may be. And he knew how hard it was for you. Don’t carry that guilt. Let it go. You can’t change it, and I think we hold on to those hurtful memories to punish ourselves when really we shouldn’t. I believe once we are finished with the bodies, we move on and so do they. And I definitely know that dogs, cats and other animals live in the moment. My dogs have taught me that. They don’t hold on to the toxic things we do. They live day to day. They are always forgiving of us. You see this even with Abusers. Their Animals still come to them even after being hit, yelled at and ask those other things.
I hope you’re living a life free of guilt now.
I see that you wrote your post at 556 am. I’m trying to write mine at 353 am. I’m often up at these hours unable to sleep because the guilt just washes over me and I cry quietly to not wake my husband, until I can’t, and I come out on the porch and just sob. Sob almost violently. Iv been reading thru people’s posts and yours grabbed me because those are the exact words I typed into google….”What can I do to get over the grief/guilt of not being in the room?”
And yours grabbed me because I am going through the same things. I had to put my sweet 10 year old kitty down 2 and a half weeks ago. After kissing and hugging my baby I ran out of the room a complete wreck. I cant stop crying. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up and cry in my coffee, I cry when I see his favorite place to lay. I’m guilt ridden. I feel awful. I wish I stayed. For him. I’m a coward. Do these feelings ever diminish? I’m suffering but also I feel as though I deserve it
Hi
I read your post. I just put my cat down a few days ago. I could not stay in the room. My husband and three kids did. I told them that they were so brave for that. I was shaking and wailing. I had said my goodbyes all week knowing the day was coming. I regret it but even if I go back to that day I don’t think I could still do it. How is your grief and guilt about that now. Does it get easier? I have a gut wrenching pit in my stomach. I feel like if I was in there my wailing and screaming would scare her..she always hated when I cried.
I’m so, so sorry. That’s just a terrible thing to experience.
It is no one’s place to tell someone how to handle that terrible choice. People love to preach and bitch and moan about how others do it, and it’s just wrong. The owner has a hard enough time without someone being a jerk.
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Even though I was there holding my baby girl until the vet said she was gone,it is still grieving my heart soul spirit and mind .
The guilt what ifs are killing me slowly.
My mind is pulling tricks on me ,telling me she was alive in the freezer ,I’m shattered .
My ???? goes out to you this was the worst feeling of my life .it feels as though I murdered my girl ????????????
i thought i was the only one feeling that way. How do i know her heart didnt start again.she could wake up and not find me there. I stayed with her but regret not hugging her goodbye
You’re not alone in having crazy thoughts. I almost lost my mind with the insane thoughts I was having after putting my dog down. Even though I was right there when the injections were given and the vet “He’s gone.” For a couple weeks after I had thoughts that when they took him in the back, he woke up and then they did experiments on him. I had a missed call from some random number and I tormented myself for not answering the call because in my mind that was a spy from the animal hospital letting me know my dog was alive and being used for experimental treatments… And all kinds of other crazy thoughts. Thank God I came to reality. But grief and guilt over losing our beloved dogs can make us temporarily insane.
Wow! That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling since I put my sweet little Sprite to sleep a few weeks ago. Prayers for you.
I sympathise with your feelings. I thought i was alone in thinking these horrid thoughts.
I Kept thinking that my collie would wake up in the freezer
But its just grief. I pray for you
I had to have my 12-year-old Boston put down the other day and just watching her collapse crushed me. But then I too had crazy thoughts like what if she wasn’t dead yet and now she was being put into a freezer? Wepend all this time caring for these animals to become completely dependent on us and then that happens and it’s just awful. Even if it was the right thing to do. I suppose I’d rather care this much than not give a damn.
I euthanized my beloved dog and loyal companion Lily one month ago. I still cry every day, most days for many hours. I’ve been consumed by guilt at ending her life. I killed my best friend. I go over and over in my mind how I could have done things differently, how I should have saved her. Does it get any easier??
I’m so sorry! When the dog I grew up–that I had before I had siblings–died, I was out of town at a summer camp. My family and I all came back home, but I couldn’t even go out in the yard while my dad buried her. To this day, that’s still my biggest regret as a dog owner. Thank you for sharing your story!
This post shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces. I completely understand how you feel and I still feel guilty for not being there with our first dog when her time came. My situation was that I had two small children that needed me to stay and comfort them while my husband made that long journey without me. I have been with my other pets and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I hope that I never have to make that decision again, but the chances are that I will. It will suck and another part of my heart will never mend. Don’t beat yourself up anymore. Carter understands and would never want you to carry this heavy burden. ♥ ♥
Everybody must do,whatever,they believe is best. Which might not be the same thing for everyone. People should not judge others without having full understanding of their situation or their reasons. That’s why the only way I comment on anything is by stating what I have done or what I would do. I’m not selling advice written in stone I’m sharing experience. Passing judgement is so easy … Understanding or accepting is not.
I’m so sorry. You certainly showed a lot of courage writing about this here and commenting on that vet tech post about euthanasia. Hopefully it will help someone who needs to share your heart.
And yes, I can understand the trauma of that experience. Years later I still could not drive by the Cornell University vet hospital without crying.
After suffering seizures, we took my dog Christie to the hospital. After arriving back home, I saw on the website that I was allowed to stay with my dog–something no one told me at the hospital.
While I was on the phone, the vet was called away suddenly. I found out later that Christie had gone into cardiac arrest and the vet team performed heroic measures to keep her alive.
I felt terrible that Christie was ready to leave but was dragged back to a scary place with invasive procedures. So yes, I did eventually get to be by her side when she passed. But I would rather she had been able to pass when her body was ready.
It’s one reason I’m a big supporter of hospice. At it’s core is the idea that end of life decisions are about keeping that strong bond with your pet. And sometimes the best thing for your relationship is to be by your pet’s side when they pass. And sometimes it’s to allow them to go peacefully with professionals who will do their best to send them gently on.
Your heart will probably never fully heal from losing Carter. But it’s that wound that is allowing you to say things that other people need to hear. So thank you.
There are all kinds of people when it comes to this. Many choose not to be present, and when that was the case I always tried to be as loving and comforting to the pet as possible. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen someone pass out before, and I commend you for really trying to be there for your dog. That’s obvious. But hopefully you don’t push yourself in the future.
I find myself on the opposite end of the spectrum for this, and it’s something I’ve always struggled with understanding. I just don’t get how I could assist in these things and completely keep my cool. It just seems weird to me. But I guess we need people like this to help pets and others who have a hard time with it.
Oh my gosh was this a tough read, but I’m so glad you shared your feelings and experience. When those types of painful memories come up, the best thing to do is focus on your love for Carter and the wonderful memories you shared together. Sometimes there are no right or wrong answers in every situation, but love remains and that’s what’s important.
Jen, I can’t imagine how difficult and heartbreaking this was for you to write, and my heart goes out to you. Please know that you didn’t fail Carter…you loved and cared for him for 13 years, and trust me, he knew the depth of how much you loved him. You were there for him his entire life, and you were there to make the most difficult call anyone who loves animals is ever forced to make. Everyone does the best that they know how to do in that situation, everyone’s story is different, and yours is most definitely NOT a failure. I agree with M.K., Carter loved you and would not want you to carry this heavy burden.
So please be kind to yourself… it’s so obvious that you are an amazing dog mom, and I can’t imagine anyone who loves their dog more than you. Any dog you share your life with is very, very lucky to have you as a mom!!
As far as home euthanasia, I can honestly say that if you have the time to set it up, I wholeheartedly recommend it. I’ve had it done for 2 of my cats, and it’s less stressful and more peaceful all the way around. It doesn’t make it any less painful or traumatic, but being able to offer that experience to your pet – having it done in their own home, surrounded by familiar smells and all the comforts of home – makes you feel like at least you have one last thing you can give them to make it less stressful, and that in itself brings a great deal of comfort.
It is never ever easy. I worked at a vet clinic for a while and I had many people apologize to me for their behavior regarding the loss of a pet. Every single time I told them that they should only apologize if they didn’t act this way – meaning if the death of someone they loved didn’t have an affect on them.
Personally, I think people should ‘suck it up”. If I were ever *asked* I would say stay with them, but if someone told me they could not handle it or who were obviously so upset to the point of upsetting their pets, I would simply hug them and say I was very sorry for their loss. I would never tell someone they should, and I most certainly would never tell someone after the fact that their choice is wrong. That is callous and cruel.
The euthanasia process is fairly similar to being put under sedation for surgery and we don’t stay around for that. The vets and the techs are very caring and make sure your pets are comfortable and taken care of.
Thank you so much for this article! It has been nearly 12 hours since my beloved Lily was put to sleep, and I feel like I’m dreaming. Last night, I spent hours in the Vet ER to find out that she had an enlarged mass.
Following the referral, I went to an ultrasound tech this morning, and they found her liver to be so enlarged that it was literally killing her, and she maybe, had a few days. I knew after the vet ER visit, what I had to do. Me & my bf cried so hard…
The decision was made after viewing her ultrasound this morning. I’m having so much guilt now because I chose not to see her. I never saw her again. He was at work, and we don’t have family here. I don’t handle death well, so to do it alone, was traumatizing. Just signing the documents alone, was traumatizing.
I DO suffer from PTSD. There was no way I could have went through that with her. The pain I was feeling was so intense, that if I went there with her, I would’ve wanted to die too. I had to leave. I had to flee. I had to escape the mental torture, that was yet to come…
I cried from the bottom of my soul. I cried until it physically hurt. I cried until I couldn’t breath. I cried until I couldn’t see. I cried until I was physically weak. I told the vet that I loved her soooooo much, but being with her would have killed me too. I know I would’ve disturbed the process. I feel that I would have been so emotionally unstable, to the point of upsetting her, and hurting myself. I have flashback as it is, so reliving her death over and over again, would have forced me to survive two different types of trauma. During my episodes, my state of mind makes me very unstable, irrational, and, unfortunately, suicidal.
The staff said they would love on her for me. I pray they truly understood. I did not want my last memory of her dead. Instead, our last memory together was a positive memory. I loved that girl like I loved no other. She’s my angel. And that’s the memory I will always have of her! I’d trade places with her, if that were an option. Dogs are such beautiful creatures, they’re so pure, and they should live forever. It’s me, the human, that’s corrupt. My angel, Lily, was innocent, pure, and she gave me life. But now, my life, is incomplete, and the pain is unbearable. I’m typically strong, but this situation showed me how weak I truly am. I’ve lost joy. I’m just merely existing…..
-Hopeless
My deepest sympathies & condolences. Although sharing your own story might not make your own pain go away it can help others struggling in the same situation. Thank you for sharing.
If You have PTSD U may want to skip on having pets ..putting them down can aggravate Your condition ,pets are not for everyone …and thats OK
That is not very good advice. People with PTSD profit from having animals near. They are pure light that comes into your life for brief times on our journey hear. Just realize that their lives are brief and the love that you hold for each h other goes on. Never be afraid to love, let go of love and have the courage to invite that animal love back into your life. The heart is as in its ability to love as the universe is vast.
You wrote EXACTLY how I felt and feel…..EXACTLY!! God Bless you and Lily. My Cooper went to heaven a few days ago and if I died tomorrow i would be happy as me and my buddy would be together
again! He is my heart!
Gary
Thank you, I have PTSD and other mental issues. My dog has a enlarged liver and a huge mass. The ultrasound is in a few days. The time is coming for her to die. I know I can not be in the room with her and I don’t know what to do. She is so intuitive and do not want to upset her. I might start screaming and fall over from hysterically crying and not being able to control it. I already feel guilty. And I know my boyfriend will try to guilt trip me about not going in the room for her death. I just can’t do it. I feel like dying.
Hi
Your post is ME!!! I had to put my cat down a few days ago. I ran out of the hospital hysterical and shaking. I regret I couldn’t stay. My husband and three kids stayed with her. Now I feel guilt, but even if I could go back I still don’t think I could do it. I didn’t want to see that image of her lifeless….I didn’t want her to hear my screams or scare my children. I was frozen in fear. Does the guilt ease up?
Thank you so much for this. It helped me so much with my own struggles when I put my baby to sleep and wasnt able to stay. Everytime they were going to put the needle I wouldnt let them so I had to leave and keep everything relax and just cry outside. And I have always felt guilty if I just had been strong enough to stay. But what helps me is to think that she and I both had an amazing loving relationship for the past 17 years and I cannot take that for granted for just a few seconds that was just too hard for me to be there. I loved her more than anything and showed her every day and she knew it and loved me back. So dont let anyone make you feel bad about anything, specially when they dont even know the situation. Again, thank you. I dont feel alone in this.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. And you’re so right about focusing on the 17 years you had together, rather than just focusing on those few seconds. That’s a great help, and it’s something I’m going to focus more on. Thanks again for sharing, it is nice to know we’re not alone on this.
My dog is 17 she has cancer but gone down hill fast she is going to put to sleep tomorrow I was taking her but I can’t do it ????I feel sick my daughter is taking her cos she was her dog but lived with me please help me
Your right I need to take this guilt and turn it into happy memories. I wish I was stronger to be there. But I was there for her for 19 years, and she had my husband and kids. I had so many conversations with her all week.. obviously she didn’t understand but I still told her my feelings. The guilt is gut wrenching.
Jen
We just euthanized our loving four legged family member
MR FRODO BAGGINS ALSO KNOWN AS PUPSTERS, BAGGINS,OLD MAN
HE WAS THE KINDEST ,SWEETEST, LOVING , MOST BEAUTIFUL
GENTLE, GALLOPING, TROTTING, GOOD LOOKING, HANDSOME PUPSTER.
WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, OUR YARD WILL NEVER LOOK OR FEEL THE SAME WITHOUT HIS PAWSTEPS, HIS BARK,. WE LOST HIM 2 days ago
He was 15 years old survived two surgeries, So Jen sharing your story
Made me see that I’m not silly for loving frodo BAGGINS so much I cry at the thought of him. I hear him outside walking, I miss him that much.
Thanks you for sharing your story, I’m sorry for your loss,
That’s the hardest decision my daughter had to make, And you
Be kind to yourself, you didn’t want your baby to suffer nor did we,.
Thank you, and I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for this article I feel so much better …. I have extremely high blood pressure I am 71 years old and I could not be present when they put my German Shepherd down who had for 15 years !!!… I just couldn’t do it … it was four months ago and I’m still crying about it !!! Thank you again for the comfort knowing I was not alone !!!…I hope over time the guilt will pass!!!
I’ve only just found this now and am so grateful for it in ways I wish I could articulate. We lost our precious Belle, our 10 year old Dachshund, completely unexpectedly this spring. We had no illness that gave us time to prepare, we had no old age (beyond a wee bit creeky arthritis) to help her through. After a sickly night, she wouldn’t get up the next morning. My vet and their techs are all wonderful, amazing people. They did what they could for her and as long as Belle could see me, she was fine. Meanwhile, I stood there bawling my eyes out as xrays were ordered and the diagnosis came down – she had a mass on her spleen. She was bleeding and suffering.
I went in with my best friend, my snuggle buddy, and came out alone. I missed work. I packed her things away into a treasure box. Her nose prints and smudges stayed on my car window until they faded away. We dog sat for friends 2 months later and I bawled when I got home.
I was there. It was the most horrible, heart wrenching thing I did for her. I waiver. Sometimes I was glad I was there for her, sometimes I wish I wasn’t. I so understand where you’re coming from and am so sorry anyone was ever unkind and judgemental toward you.
Hi I’m struggling right now put down my 10 year old mini Doxie. She seemed to be having some sort seizures vet said could be needed dental work. 2 days after dental in middle of night was screaming in pain falling to side drooling did not know us could not calm her. I took to e r. They said could maybe give something for seizures but would need mri if something neurological. At that point noticed she was also blind. Vet went to check her mouth and she went crazy tried bite. I tried to pick her up and she went crazy tried bite me. I thought she had been they enough and we euthanized. But now I’m second guessing and know she was scared in pain from dental. I don’t know if I did right thing. I was so scared to see her in such pain
Hi
It’s interesting that you go back and forth about being in the room. My cat passed a few days ago and I couldn’t do it. The guilt is horrible, yet I don’t think I could do it again if I could. I feel like if I was able to do it I probably wish I didn’t do it. I don’t know….it’s just the most painful loss ever.
I have always been with my dogs when it was their time to pass. I prefer to have the vet come to the home. If you cannot be with your pet, try to at least bring them home to bury them or cremate them. I had read a long time ago that vet offices take the bodies and sell them to dog food companies so that would be a horrible way to remember your best friend. We have a dresser with all our dogs cremated boxes.
I wish I would have thought about/known about that option. While it doesn’t make the decision easier, being at home might makes it a little more comfortable.
I wish people would stop beating themselves up for not being with their friend during their last moments. The reality is that the procedure is similar to a surgery. We drop them off for surgery and think nothing of it. Being there is for you, not them. They have no clue if they are getting spayed, having their teeth cleaned or a good death.
Thank you, Carol. Your post is one of the most comforting I have read. I am one of those people who had to leave the room, and I keep beating myself up over it. You are absolutely right, and I can already feel the extreme guilt I have been feeling slowly starting to evaporate.
Thank you Carol. Your post was comforting to me also. I was hoping my Annie would think she was there for a teeth cleaning. She loved going to the vet.
Carol thanks so much for helping me out tonight with my guilt. My baby was 12 years old, a dachshund, and had never been ill. She fell off the couch like she passed out and her head hit the floor. She started having seizures and vet wanted me to take her this expensive ER place for animals. I didn’t have money for an MRI so I just took her home. I gave her the meds, she would eat a little, she drank a lot, walked around in circles! After a week at home, she didn’t get better and I knew it was time! My guilt is because I didn’t have money to take her to ER where they might’ve helped her. I couldn’t take her to vet so my 2 daughters took her to be put down! I’m 70 and she was my heart dog! It’s been a year and I can’t get over it. But your words made me think about getting over it and getting along with my life. Thank you for that!
I so enjoyed reading your post. I am hoping my dog just thought she was going to get her teeth cleaned like always. She enjoyed going to the vet and seeing him. He always made over her and gave her treats. Thank you, Carol. Your post was very comforting to me, more than any other.
You know what….I was thinking the same. When she had her teeth cleaned years ago she was put under.Dropped her off and left. Of course I was nervous. What’s the difference. The only difference would be is if I was in there she would of gone under wondering why I was screaming and wailing. Powerful comment…thank you. Hopefully the guilt will ease up.
Thank you, Carol, your words are very comforting today. I had my beloved cat put down yesterday where my son and daughter were present and feel like I failed him. I said my goodbyes the night before up until 3 am trying to comfort him and couldn’t physically or mentally be able to keep it together. It puts it in perspective that he did not know why he was there for the simple fact that he would no longer have to suffer.
We had to make the gut wrenching decision yesterday to let our 13 year old Syren girl cross over the rainbow bridge. We have had her in Doggy Hospice for the past 4 months with a home visit once a month to check on her and to keep us informed as to her condition. Really to make sure we had a non slanted view as to her condition. Through the months we made sure to tell her it was okay to go and to give us a sign when she was ready. Between Cushings, Thyroid disease, and liver disease she started to quickly go downhill this past week. We had our Vet come to the house when it was time last night and Syren was surrounded by me, my wife and our family while laying in her bed in comfortable surroundings. She was at peace when she left us physically, and to me having her at home was the only way to help her pass over the bridge. I would whole-heartedly recommend having the Vet come to your house for something like this.
My grief is so overwhelmingly strong today, I can hardly think about going home for lunch as I always did – Syren would always help me eat my lunch. I can only grasp onto the awesome memories of her and her special antics. This too shall pass, but it won’t be for a very, very, very long time. I will never forget my special girl.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew the words to say to make you feel better, but unfortunately when it comes to grief there are no magical words that make it go away. Again I’m so sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your story.
My heart goes out for everyone that has has to put a pet down……I am an animal lover myself. It is the hardest thing I have every had to do……I’ve put soo many of my animals down over the years, you think I’d be used to it by now….,.you NEVER are. In fact I just had to put me lab/chow down last week, that still to this day was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I could have kept him around longer, yes, according to my vet, I could have given me more meds., but to me that is selfish to keep him around for your sake…….don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have him around longer…..but I just couldn’t have —HIM—suffer, as I know he was in terrible pain. To me an animal is like a human, but with no voice, of course they have their own language and body language also….know if the tables were turned….he wouldn’t want you to suffer…..think about it!!!!!!!!!! Would he?????? So to put him out of his misery, it was very painful for me, but I’m sure I did the right thing for him…….what do you think?????????????????
It is one of the most difficult decisions we have to make, and when I made the decision I did it for the same reason you did — I didn’t want him to have to suffer anymore. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think You should stop making Yourself feeling bad about this whole thing..You were great dog owner empathic ,You obviously loved Your pup v much …..
You being in tears and freaking out was making Your dog very nervous and uncomfortable …not all of us have nerves of steel …ppl who tell YOu that it…” h a u n t s” them for a next 20 yrs not being there for a pet r really over the top……!!!!..please !!!!!
pls dont pay attention to that……pets are n o t people …100 yrs ago there was not even veterinarians for pets …..!!!they were considered zero value and none gave a crap about them raelly …
..now all of a sudden its like they re children…!!..?????
pets are not people..
I also can not handle euthanasia and waited by the door while my cats were being put down….
and buried each of cats myself …passing was very quick …
U ve done what U ve could and you dont want to have a freaking heart attack yourself..!!
Ur canine friend was very lucky to have your love..everyday
healthy, young pets are euthanized because none wants them .everyday in shelters ……!!!!!!!!!!!!
pls stop feeling bad ….
U know I ve noticed there r 3 kinds of people in this world …folks who absolutely do not care for animlas ,kills them without mercy wears furs completely zero compassion, then people in a middle with healthy attitude ..loves animals but are not over the top…dont call their dogs “babies” etc
will not spend 20 000$ on veterinary surgery etc
and then 3 rd kind …ppl who r just overly emotional ..usually older ppl but there r young also …and they just r completely into their animals ….think they r humans …their children etc ….”only ” friend in a world …thats not good either
You are a very judgmental person and I find this post offensive. Stop stereotyping people.
You are the one who’s off emotionally, and has a problem with being inensitive to people. Most people, whether they openly refer to their pets as their babies or not, consider their pets as their babies and that’s completely natural and healthy. Society has come far in many ways including how we relate and treat animals and fortunately now doesn’t frown on these terms like you do.
A good example of cherishing pets as children is in the Bible. When Nathan the prophet went to King David,he told him of the story about a man who loved his lamb dearly and let the lamb eat from his plate and drink from his cup. The Bible said he thought of her like a daughter! This shows that God has given humans a beaofutiful gift to be able to love our animals like children. We know full well they are not human, but they are still children in a sense. It’s when our hearts aren’t good that we don’t love them as such. I think you are the one who is lacking in understanding and sensitivity.
You left out the 4th kind. The “unkind”, insensitive and judgmental such as yourself. While you’re certainly entitled to your views, you’d best listen to yourself and consider how hurtful and inconsiderate they are to millions.
Thank you for writing this.
I have made the most excruciating decision for my two elderly dogs,who I can’t see suffer any longer, to be put to sleep tomorrow. We went to the vets Saturday morning and had a reassuring conversation with our vet but even so still I’ve been beating myself up since Saturday about the imminent arrival of tomorrow.
Both dogs have been a part of my life for 17 and 15 years, they are mother and daughter and I’m devastated.
I have experienced euthanasia before with my first dog and I think I’m finding this one extra hard, as I know what is coming and how quick it is.
My only saving grace is that these two have grown old together and they will be at rest and leave together with no more suffering.
To make the decision to put a family pet to sleep is not an easy decision. X
Thank you so much for writing this article. Its almost been 2 yrs since i had to put my beloved chihuahua Mace to sleep. Im still not over the grief. I dont think i ever will be. He was my sidekick from day 1 and i know he’s irreplaceable. Mace, was born with a a bad heart and i didnt know. He gained a bunch of weight and i had no idea why. I hope he knew how much he was loved.
Finally after convincing myself he wasnt getting better, i knew deep down only i would be returning. I held him on a bench outside of the vets office and said my goodbye. I told him i loved him so so much and he was a good boy. He was in incredible pain but i think he understood because he licked my face. That was the last time i saw my Macey-pie. I left him there because the vet was trying to make him better. She tried her best.
I got the worst phone call in the world a few hrs later. It was the vet calling and saying she made him as comfortable as possible, but he only had less than a 5% chance of living. She said my baby was in pain. I said ok. He cant suffer anymore. Please help him. Then i made a decision that is still haunting me. I never went back and comforted him as he took his last breath. I swear ill never get over the guilt. So, i understand COMPLETELY what you mean. God Bless you..
We just put down my 15 yr old cocker but my husband and I immediately said we wouldn;t be in the room when they administered the injection. I was about to pass out and throw up when we heard all the problems he was having. We had no idea he was suffering so much. I am still googling if we made the right decision health wise. He became paralyzed out of nowhere almost in the back legs and it turns out he had a large blood clot and kidney stones. No one would judge anyone’s decision. It is hard enough as it is. I had no idea I would be strong enough to tell the vet to put him down. I always said in my head I would do everything to keep him here. But that wasn’t until I saw him looking at me crying, wondering why he couldn’t move his legs. We were told he would just get another clot or worse have a stroke soon at home. I couldn’t deal with the waiting for the worst. Now we look at our other two and just hope they stay with us a while. One was given a year to live with heart problems and no surgery options available. The other is healthy but now we are paranoid. I love my babies so much.
Yesterday, we put down our family dog who was with us for 19 years. She was too old, having trouble with breathing and walking. Vet came to our house. I didn’t want to be there when the vet made the injection. Did we make the right decision? We talked all day, crying and sharing our memories with her, looking at her photos 🙁 I feel terrible because I was the first one in the family bringing up euthanasia. Reading about your and commentators’ expriences made me feel a little bit better. Her favorite activity was chasing after cats but she was no longer interested in doing that. She lost her eyesight and hearing. Couple times in a day she couldn’t keep her head up and fell. One of her leg was infected because she fell from the stairs. She had the treatment but the leg was never be the same. She wasn’t sleeping at night, waking up every two or three hours. There was a brownish liquid coming out of her lady parts, dripping all over the house. The vet told us she was in pain but she was too stubborn to show us the whole extend of her pain. So we decided to let her go. But why am I feeling so sad? I wish we didn’t do that. I wish I could hold her one more time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Many of us struggle with the decision; our head tells us one thing, and our heart another. I struggled with it for a long time, and knowing that others have shared similar experiences did help a little.
I had to make the tough call today and put my beloved Dandy down.
Unlike you I stayed and held him in my arms till the very end.
My point is whether we decide to stay or leave it doesn’t take away the guilt.
I can’t stop feeling horrible.
He had many health issues and logically it just seemed like the humane thing to do but life is not always about logic. So many guilty feelings are running through me.
Maybe he could of had a bit more time. After all he loved the outdoors and summer was just around the corner.
Maybe we could of given him one more injection…
The guilt is strong and I’m not sure it’s going to subside any time soon. Or ever for that matter.
No one can tell you how to feel or how to deal with situations such as these.
No one truly knows how any one else truly feels.
I sincerely hope you find peace and I wish to thank you for sharing your story.
It has helped me with my feelings of guilt.
I’m a 45 year old man and yet I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face.
Your courage to share your feelings has been a God send this evening.
Thank you.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I felt guilty for a long time, but after reading all the comments that have been left here I realized I wasn’t alone. It’s something many of us struggle with. Our head tells us one thing, and our heart another, and trying to reconcile the two is not easy. Thank you for sharing your story.
We put Palmer down 2 days ago and the pain is devastating. I would come home for years and say its time, hes not eating, and now hes biting us as we try to help him. Our quality of life and his is diminished. We started him on more antibiotics a couple of days ago and thought he was getting better; the vet said its going to take time and you have 14 more days to go but hes having a good day. His tail was wagging and he was responsive. The next day he was non responsive and we had to shoot more drugs down his throat and gag him to take his 10 pills a day. He would no longer go to the bathroom or eat including his favorite pill pockets. We were arguing because we were consumed with his care. My wife took him in the put him asleep the whole time wondering if I would call to stop her. I didnt and now I regret not stopping her. The guilt is relentless. I killed my best friend.
On 30th May I had to make the decision to put my lovely boy Addy to sleep. I stayed with him and talked to him with tears streaming down my face and Addy being Addy licked the tears from my face as if to say its okay.
I then held him in my arms as the Vet did what they had to and when I saw he had passed my heart broke.
The choice of staying or not staying should be a your own choice, with me it was a case of he’s my dog and been my companion for almost 13 years and I want to comfort him and for him to pass away with me stroking him for one last time knowing that I love him with all my heart, I owed him that much to be with him in his final moments.
It’s not an easy thing to do and totally understand that it can be too much for some people but thats okay and you shouldnt feel guilt for not being there. It will take me a long time to get over his passing as I’m sure you all know the same.
I’m a 52 year old tattooed biker and I am racked with guilt for having to do it and wish there was something else I could of done and not stopped crying and I’m missing him so much.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing you story.
This article helped . I now know someone else’s heart broke just like mine. I just had to put down my yellow lab Axel. The guilt and grief is overwhelming. Thanks for writing!
I just had to put my 13 year old dog down. She was my first dog as an adult and extra special to me. She’s what they refer to as a “heart dog.” It was definitely time and in reality later than probably should have been but I couldn’t let her go. I tried every med, fluids, supplements, foods, etc. I hate kidney disease. She was so healthy before it and we always thought she’s live a couple more years. She wouldn’t eat as the disease took over her body and as a result everything was failing. I am filled with guilt about putting her down. I think I can’t accept death. Most people say it’s a gift to them but I still feel sick over it. My husband is definitely sad but he at least is more confident we made the right choice. We even had someone come out to do it. And I am like this author. I have a lot of anxiety and can get depressed easily I guess so even though I knew I had to be there for her I realistically I did not want to be if that makes sense. I understood why some people can’t be there. I was almost having a panic attack about it. I think if it’s an emergency situation it’s different. But when it’s anticipated it may be worse. I’m not sure. I know I got to spend time with her and maybe if an emergency I would wish for that. Even though it was peaceful and she was so fatigued anyway her final day it is still a haunting experience if that makes sense. I miss her so much.
Thank you for sharing your story; many of us struggle with the decision, even if our brains tell us it’s the right call. Getting the heart to agree is another matter completely. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I am so so sorry for all of your losses. I too am going through the same thing. Tomorrow at 5pm our beloved Bichon Frise, Spud aged 8 will be leaving us. 3 years ago after giving him a bath he let out a whelp, we thought that maybe one of his nails was too long so I inspected him. He lay down on his back and with my two hands I felt around his stomach area only to find a lump the same size as a coin. I though he had swallowed a bottle top or something. We made an appointment for the vets where they operated and we were given the heartbreaking news that he has a tumour on his kidney. The vet asked then and there if we wanted him to be put down on the operating table whilst he was out of it, to which we replied no because of his young age. He came home with his cone on, I slept downstairs with him for two weeks. Here now at three years later, the tumour is the size of a watermelon, when he walks you can see it bulging out at his side, he can’t walk up the stairs anymore, he can’t climb up onto the bed where he loved to sleep with us under the blankets. He doesn’t eat, or play. When we stroke him we can feel every bone. His urine changes colour between yellow to almost black, sometimes a little bloody and his stools are always loose. Now and then when he is sleeping he will be shivering. So we know that his quality of life has deteriorated. The only reason why I have made this decision is because I would rather him go peacefully and pain-free rather than prolonging the inevitable and having him pass at home in excruciating pain and that is a fear that I have lived with for the three years of being his nurse 24/7. My anxiety over this is sky high, and I have made the decision not to be there with him or to go along with him to the vets because I know it will kill me, it already is. I will try and take the small relief in knowing that his dad (my partner of ten years), and my mother will be right by his side through the whole procedure whilst I am sat here heartbroken at home watching the young kids, comforting them, and wondering how on earth I will get through this, of not seeing him curled up on the bedroom floor snoring, or barking and waggling his tail when I arrive home every day. The pain is unreal. I have never felt anything like it. I am sure like the rest of you I will feel some sort of guilt, but understand something, we have all loved our animals for all these years, given them the best possible life they could have imagined, made the toughest decisions so that their endings will be peaceful. We have all done the RIGHT thing for THEM. They depend on us to make this decision for them, they cannot pick up the phone and make their own appointments, it is our duty as pet owners to give them the pain-free send off they deserve. Much love to all of you.
Thank you to all you brave animal lovers that took the risk to love. I hurt so very deeply over my sweet Angel, a 15 year old German Shepherd. She has arthritis and a growth in her lung. She is on meds and barely has an appetite but we offer her food and water all day. Since June 9th she has been failing rapidly, barely eating, fitful sleeping, and yesterday she was soiling everywhere. Its difficult for her to get up on her own. My husband and i have been struggling with euthanizing her. We pray she will die peacefully at home. After a rough night I told my husband this morning that we need to call a vet to come to our home because I think she is deep pain just because of the look in her eyes and her lethargy. I couldn’t make the call. I don’t know how I can justify taking her life other than she is suffering and not happy. I just cant seem to make the decision and follow through. What if my dog would rather be here than die? What if she would rather spend a little more time with our family?. I just don’t think I have the right to say she should die now. It hurts me that she is hurting but I don’t seem to be able to take the next step. I am extremely sensitive and Ive losses in my life of significant relationships. Is this why I cant make the call? I feel lost.
Thank you so much for this blog and all the replies. I relate to all of your stories of your relationships with your beloved pet. I am already hurting over the future loss and I think I am stuck and would like to get unstuck. I am suffering over this decision either way.
Thanks for being so honest. Putting down your animal is so tough. I know many say you should be there with them but sometimes it’s not possible. Doesn’t mean you love them less. When I took my cat in to be euthanized, I was preparing myself to hold him till then end. I ended up bawling, setting the carrier down on the front desk of the vet office and ran to my car where I lost it until they brought him to me to be taken home and buried in our yard.
Not sure what it is but I’m normally considered a “strong” person, but I haven’t come to terms with putting my animals down. I’m facing this again tomorrow with my son’s dog whom I’ve grown very attached to. My son (adult) can’t seem to make himself be there. I have to tell him I understand, and I do. This doesn’t lessen the love he has for his dog and I hope he can forgive himself.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GO TO MCGRATH IF YOU LIVE IN SHERMAN OAKS OR VALLEY
THEY WOULD NOT LET ME BE PRESENT FOR THE NEEDLE
HE LIED TO ME AND SAID IT WAS THEIR RULE
I WAS HEARTBROKEN
MY DOG WAS LYING DOWN GLARE EYES
AND THAT F-ER TOOK HIM TO THE BACK ROOM AND DID IT
LATER I CAME AND TRIED TO ASK WHAT HAD HAPPENED
THE GUILT OF NOT BEING THERE WAS KILLING ME
HE WAS RUDE AND HE BASICALLY TOLD ME I CHOSE THAT
I BEGGED HIM TO BE THERE
HE ALSO THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE ON ME IF I DIDNT LEAVE
I WANTED ANSWERS AFTER THE SCAR HE GAVE ME
IF ANYONE OR YOU KNOW ANYONE IN VALLEY
HAVE THEM STAY AWAY FROM THAT PLACE
YOU WILL ONLY BE SCARRED
I had to put my best buddy down 3 weeks ago. His lymphoma had reached its worst point and we called a vet to do an in-home euthanasia. During the 3 hours it took for the vet to arrive, I laid in the backyard holding him. He was too weak to move and just let out cries as boxers do. At the point the vet went in to prep the injections my dog barked 3 or 4 times (he never barked in 10 years). The problem I have is that while I was stroking him and telling him I loved him though uncontrollable tears, I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes, and let him see me and know I was there. 3 weeks later and all I can think everyday is that he was barking for me to show myself to him and gaze into his eyes and let him know it’s ok and daddy has him. But I was too weak to do it. It haunts me everyday and I often find myself breaking down to a bawling mess random times throughout the day. The guilt I have for it is so overwhelming and I feel like I failed him and just wish I could do it over. This is going to take me a long time to come to grips with. I only hope next time I can be stronger for the next best friend to bless my life.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and thank you so much for sharing your story. Stories like yours are what helped me get through my own grief after the loss of my dog; it might not take away the pain, but there’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
I just put my dog down two days ago. She became very ill the night before – right out of the blue. It was totally unexpected, but she was 14 and we knew it was very serious. She collapsed and could barely move. Vomited but also looked agitated, with shallow breathing. I thought she had died at one point. The next morning she could barely lift her head, peed everywhere and was moaning. We were at the Vet office right when they opened. Vet said they could run tests but it didn’t look good and she was suffering and in pain. We made the decision. I can tell you that it is VERY emotionally painful and difficult to watch, the most heartbreaking thing ever. I held her and stroked her face and talked to her. Yes, I was sobbing. I am glad I was with her and it was the right thing to do but I totally understand how some people may not be able to handle it. It’s not like you don’t care – YOU DO. Please do not beat yourself up. Your situation is not like someone who just dropped off their dog and said “see ya.” Someday you may be ready to do this for a pet. I have changed a lot as I’ve gotten older and I may not have handled this either years ago. Good luck.
I just found out my dog has aggressive urethral cancer and we are going to have to have her put down tomorrow. I am still stuck at work, but my wife said they gave her pills to make her comfortable. I am here to admit that I am one of those people who cannot be present for the euthanasia. You could tell me that my dog is passing away and I would be just fine holding her in my arms, but to hold her while someone puts her down triggers something so deep inside me, that my anxiety goes bonkers. Thankfully my wife agreed to be there with her and I will be able to say goodbye outside. 6 years ago I had to put my bulldog down and I was hysterical. He was my absolute best friend. The vet was even nervous to be around me. I am a pretty big guy and I told the vet that I just can’t let someone kill my best friend, but I know it needs to be done. He explained to me that some of us just have a protective instinct so strong that it makes euthanasia very hard and to avoid giving myself a heart attack my human best friend agreed to be there for the bad part and hold him for me. My poor dog didn’t even want to be around me because he knew I was so upset, but he didn’t know why. Me being there would have made the whole situation 10 times worse. I grew up in the country where a neighbor took your dog for a “walk” when it was time and even thinking of this puts my anxiety into over load. Maybe the thought of this is what makes it so bad for me, but you are not alone. Tomorrow is going to be a very hard day and my other dog is even older. I just pray he doesn’t break down when his sister leaves us. That is what happened to my bully. When my pit of almost 16 years passed away, he just let go and within 6 months I was having to put him down at the vet because cancer was stopping him from being able to breathe.
Your comment touched me. Your right if my cat was dying in front of me I would hold her in my arms. But the thought of holding her while a needle went in her sends nausea through my body. Three days ago we put my girl down. The guilt is overwhelming that I wasn’t there. Husband and three kids were. I probably would of stopped the procedure, or stressed out the doctor or my girl. I’m glad it was more peaceful for her.
I think n o one per parent can handle this situation. Our pets or as I prefer to call them family members. They teach us so much about ourselves if we are open to allowing them to educate. us. Even after they pass into spirit the lesson themselves are more vivid and real. Please refer to this link: https://pawsatpeacepethospice.com/
I have just had my westie put to sleep (2 days ago) He was 17years and 5 days old. He had dementia, was drinking lots and weeing all over the house, struggling to get up, deaf, cataracts, poor skin, back legs were going and mouth disease but was eating well. He couldn’t cope at the groomers anymore and when i bathed him he would stess and fall around the bath. I had been scared to take him to the vets for a while but his claws needed clipping, he was limping. The vet clipped his claws…he was strugglung n barking (hadnt barked in months). It was so traumatic. I’d not given him dinner before we went as i wanted him to eat when we got home. After the nails, the vet and i spoke about his overall condition and i asked if it was ‘time’. The choice was left completely to me…i asked if he was in pain and was told he would be uncomfortable a d in pain with all those ailments together and wouldnt get better even if we did tests. I said i thought it was his time and the vet said he agreed and that he thought we could be back in a vouple of weeks. He was taken into another room to have a canula put in..they struggled and i could hear him barking. I wanted to run in and get him. Then they brought him through to me. The nurse held n cuddled him and let me stand in front so he coukd see me to stroke n kiss and talk to him. I felt like he was looking at me asking why i was doing it and as i was kissing n stroking him telling him i loved him he went. I looked in his eyes. I shouldnt have done that. Now i cant sleep and i feel i made the wrong decision. Noone gets it….they all say it was the right choice (even my children, 16 & 11, who had said goodbye before i left ‘just in case’. Im heartbroken…all i see is his face n his eyes looking at me. He had been home all day whilst i was at work, no dinner and then that. I feel i let him down. Everyone says he is at peace but i cant even bare to be in the house without him.
Marie If you read this I am so sorry for the loss of your westie, I know how you feel as yesterday my 17 year old Yorkie who was in a similar condition to your dog by the sounds of it was put to sleep, everyone says it was the right time and even though I was prepared to pay any amount for tests etc the vet said she would deteriorate even though she was still lively and eating well. She had renal insufficiency (weeing and drinking more) and her back legs going amongst some other minor issues. The guilt and heartbreak I am feeling is similar in that I don’t want to be at home as it is empty without her and can’t sleep in my room as her bed was by mine. I know it is so raw at the moment but your comments completely resonate with me. Looking at your post I see it’s been a few weeks, I hope you are feeling a bit better, but like me this is going to take a long time to heal. In the long run we may accept we did the right thing, I really hope so. Take care and know that you are not alone with these feelings.
Two weeks ago I had to say good-bye to my best friend. He was 14 yrs old, he had been suffering with CHF for several years. The two weeks around Christmas time I knew that he was getting worse, his coughing was so excruciating to listen to. The day came when he wasn’t eating or drinking, so that morning I called my vet to take him in and I found out that she was on vacation and I would have to call another clinic. I was able to find another clinic that would see him that day. My husband and I took him and I knew deep in my heart that he would not be coming home with me alive. The vet that had never met us listened to his heart and lungs and by the look on her face at that moment I knew. Which I can appreciate now, she said that his time was near. I made the decision at that time, my husband left the room because he was angry and could not be there for that. I cried so hard and told my little man that I loved him so much. The guilt that is still running through me is unbearable, I know he was so sick, he gave me so much love and joy for the last 14 yrs. I do still have his litter mate (sister) and I can also tell her time is nearing and soon I will have to do this again. I also have had several dogs that I have been with until the end, but I feel in my heart these will be my last dogs this pain is just so awful. God bless all of you that have loved your pets as I have.
I lost my dog, Doggie, just a few days ago and it is eating me alive.
It happened all at once. Suddenly, she was bloated and couldn’t vomit. My wife told me that Doggie probably had a twisted stomach. So I took her to the vet hospital and they confirmed it. I was ready to pay for the surgery when I found out how much it was….. $9000
I knew I couldn’t afford it. I told my wife and she thought the same thing… so she collected our daughter and she headed for the hospital. So… I was the one who told the vet that we would opt for putting Doggie to sleep. That’s what haunts me… I was the one who gave the okay to kill my dog….my baby….
Doggie was barely conscious. They had her on pain killers and kept her under a warm blanket since her body temperature was a little low. They did everything they could to keep her comfortable and safe. And I was the last one to see her before they did the procedure. I couldn’t stay in there.
Hell, I can’t write this without starting to cry…
Telling the vet to kill my dog broke me. There was no way I could stay in the room while they did it. I know I would have tried to stop them or collapsed…. or… I don’t know.
I regret my decision, despite that it was the best decision I could have made at the time. Intellectually, I know my baby was dying and suffering. I knew we couldn’t afford the operation. There was nothing at all that we could do. Emotionally, I believe I killed my dog….
I don’t know…. thank you for writing this… it helps me deal with my guilt
My Great Dane was 9 years old. About a year ago she started slowing down but it progressed recently to a dog who could barely or lift up her rear end, or stand for any length of time. She no longer could go out in the yard to pee because we had a few stairs and those she couldn’t get up so she peed on our porch. She pooped on or near her bed as well. The kicker was she was alert and even hobbled to eat. I could not make the choice so my husband spoke with the vet and agreed it was time. But wait, she’s eating she’s not dying!!! I was unable to go, my husband took her knowing I couldn’t bear it. I did not want her to see me thinking what are you doing? It felt, feels like betrayal. Odd thing is I have been present at the death beds of family members and never thought, nope can’t do it.
Now I have horrid regret. I’ve gone from her thinking I betrayed her to her thinking where are you?
She was 130 lbs in her prime and weighed 95 before her death. Her hips, spine, shoulders all protruding, yet still wagged her tail and drank her water. How could I say she’s ready?
Im sitting in a pile of guilt because at either end I see regret. This article helped me to know I wasn’t the only one unable to help her cross over.
Thank you
I put my dog and cat down today. My cat was 23 years old and my dog was 15. The cat was getting so skinny but he still had a desire to eat and steal my dog’s food. My cat was doing better than my dog I thought. He was asking to be petted and gets very vocal when he was hungry. My dog had kidney failure that can’t be fixed. She was losing control in her back legs and started urinating all over my house. She was also afraid going out to my backyard to do her business. She would look down at that 2 step stair and would tremble before she went out. 2 days ago I saw her falling down while eating her food and couldn’t get back up. She was very upset and confused. I couldn’t watch her suffer anymore and told my husband to find a vet who can come to my house for the euthanasia. She hated going to the vet and I didn’t want to see her in more stress than she already was.
When the vet and vet tech came out I didn’t know that we were putting both my dog and cat down today. But I knew it was time for both. First my dog then my cat.
They went peacefully.
I keep telling myself that It was there time. Also that we put them down at my house and I was there for both of my pets when they passed away. I think I’m sure they are better now. No pain and no more fear. Yet I miss them so much. But it’s not about me. It was about them not suffering anymore…. I keep telling myself that also.
Thank you for this. I too couldnt be with my kitty of 17 years and I break down constantly thinking i have failed my baby and i wish i could have been there for him.
Does the guilt ease up?
Hi baby,
I started crying as soon I read this post, because I felt the same very way.
My dearest baby boy had lymphoma all over his body when it was detected. But to the very end I wouldn’t believe it, till the biopsy confirmed my worst fears. The next day, me and my parents went to see him at the vet. He was there looking lost, almost if he was begging to let him go. There hasn’t any shine to his tiny little eyes.
When the vet said to me he didn’t stand a single chance… I broke down crying to the point I had to be escorted out, since my legs lost their balance. In front of him. I just remember the sadness and the betrayal for doing that to him. I was weak.
Next day, I brought him home. Made him a nice bed, next to mine. With all the toys he loved. With all the kisses he needed. He couldn’t eat anything, since only made his condition worse and my parents called the vet that very same day. I slept through it, I was recovering from a episode of trying to kill myself few months before and dozed myself in meds to hide the pain.
My parents took him to sleep beautifully on his sleep, and returned home with his favorite blankie and his collar. I never can forgive myself to never been there with him, but at the same time, I know I couldn’t handle it. I would be so distorted. But at the same time… my baby was there when I needed the most. I’m mostly conflicted but I know where you come from.
Hope we can change this pain one day and find peace on our hearts. Because our lovely angels wouldn’t like to see us crying or feeling sad.
I felt rushed and pushed into the decision by well meaning friends, family, acquaintances, and even by my vet. What it seems that many people fail to understand is that I was losing something huge. The little tiny person (and personality) inside my little dog was going away forever. All the looks, the mannerisms, the funny things she did, all the sweet things she did, the way she acted, the love she gave me– all of it was going away forever. I was not personally ready for her to come to an end. And after she passed, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so guilty, so hopeless, so sad, so empty inside. I got another dog, and I even got the exact same breed, and she even looks similar to my old dog, but obviously, she isn’t and she doesn’t have the same personality. She has her own personality, and while I love her for who she is, I still miss my old dog terribly. There is still a huge hole in my heart from her absence that will never be filled. You really never know what you have and how special it is until it is gone and you fell and realize the depth of its absence.
it’s okay to feel sad after you put your dog down
I understand so much what you shared. I also felt rushed, pushed, even manipulated into euthanasia by my dog’s vet. After agonizing I put myself on auto-pilot and forced myself to do it. I held her and talked to her the whole time. I looked into her eyes until she was gone. The guilt and grief afterwards were even worse than I could have imagined. I am consumed with guilt and regret. She was still alert, walking and eating when I had her euthanized. I was terrified b/c the vet told me her prognosis was so poor with high risk of death by internal hemorrhage. I panicked b/c I didn’t want her to spend her last hours or days alone in a cage in a hospital, away from her mother and all she loved. I have since done on-line research and believe her chances were much better than I was told. I can’t let it go, I cry for hours each day. If only I had an emergency vet I could have trusted. If only I had been stronger for her and had more faith. If only I made different choices, she would still be here with me. I killed the one being that gave me unconditional love and joy. I pray she will forgive me.
hey:( i had to deal with the same thing last year this month:( it is really sad:( when you have to put your dog down i understand that i am still having the rememberence of the death of my dogs:(
had to deal with the same thing last year:( it was heart breaking:( the first dog that had to be put down was a beagle:( the second was a black lab:( the beagle was perolised and the black lab was really sick:(
i felt rushed also to put my dogs down:( i am still muttering over it.
I am glad I came across your article. I suffer PTSD from my father passing in my arms, and I just can’t bring myself to do it with my own dog, Princess. She is a 15 year old Golden who suffered a stroke, and isn’t in pain, but can no longer walk or stand on her own. She just looks so sad all the time, laying on her bed watching her sisters play without her. We have 4 goldens total. So I know it’s time. But it doesn’t make it any easier, and I told my husband I can’t be with her – I just can’t watch her go. And I feel guilty but I’ve been making myself physically sick thinking about it all week long, and have been having panic/anxiety attacks about it. I’ve even now given myself cold sores from the stress, and ended up with a migraine so bad it put me in the Emergency Room. I just wish I could have done more. I wish dogs could live longer, as they truly are our BEST FRIENDS. I’m having a mobile vet come to our home – I just haven’t made the actual appointment yet. But I can’t bring her to a vet – I need someone to come to our home, and my husband will stay with her and hold her, but I just can’t. And yes, it makes me feel bad and guilty but I just can’t do it…. I think the stress of me crying and having a panic attack will be much worse for her during her final moments because she’s spent her entire life taking care of me and making me feel better, so I don’t want her last moments to be worrying about “mom” So please don’t judge people who can’t be there in the end. There is underlying conditions that we just can’t control, and mine started with when my dad died in my arms = something I can never get over unfortunately as it wasn’t expected.
When my beloved pet dog died I too found I could not bear to be there. I came apart much as you described. A few months later her buddy and my husband’s dog had to be put down and I held his head and reassured him and helped him pass. One dog was mine and one was not. Maybe when the dog it just too close the death is too hard. No one mistreats a wife who can’t sit with her husband or parent with a child while they turn off the machines. People have choices. Their choices are respected. I don’t know why we expect it from pet owners. If I could have done it I would have. I am forever grateful to the vet who did it for me.
The person who said it’s “selfish” to not be there…I’d knock his/her teeth out each day to the day I die. I loved our last dog more than the world. He’s what kept me going in my darkest days…and only he knows my darkest secrets. I came home from work when my parents broke the news to me when I came in the door my knees damn near gave out. My best bud was getting put down in an hour and who the heck can show 9 years of appreciation to a dog in 1 hour!!?!?!?!?! He was my couch potato buddy, his tongue was screwed up from the muscular disease he had and couldn’t really give kisses but he tried. I still remember chickening out as my Mom and Dad headed out the door to load him into his crate for the last ride. I just sat and gave him a hug for what seemed like eternities, my soul went out with him that day. My Mom texted me when they were leaving the vet, I said “I know, he left 11.5 minutes ago”. That dog, Jimmy…you’re my homie. 🙁
Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I really needed to hear this and I realize I’m not alone. I Just put my 15 year old dog down last week and I feel like a horrible person for not holding her little paw while she was being put down. I feel that I wont have closure for not being there for her. It’s as if I left her at the vet and that I will back to pick her up for the reason that was wasn’t there as she took her little last breath. As I write this I’m hoping all of this is just a nightmare and that I will run to kiss her when I wake up. I should have been there but the same as you, there’s no way I could have handled it. This is the most painful thing that I have had to do.
Hello Yasmina
We just put our dog, down two days ago. (9/12/19) It is still hell here as I want her to come home. As I sit here , I cry, not for guilt or putting our little Kallie girl down but because I loved her so much. I am not sure in life , right now, when things will start to get normal, again?? Kallie just turned 12 years old and a cockapoo. She had Lymphoima cancer and at one point in time she went into remission. At first, one vet, diagnosed her with hot spots. Kallie started with almost like sores as if she had gotten bit by an insect or a scrape from being outside. The vet said “hot spots are what these are” We ended up taking this dog to the vet 2-3 times a month to see if we could help her. Anti-biotics, creams, shots…nothing worked. After several months we switched vets as she was starting to get large, almost cysts, on her skin. The vet did scraped them, they were cancer. This was so hard to take.) When you take your dog to the vet as much as we did THEY miss diagnosed her. I am still angry to this day. She tested for Lymhomima and it took a toll on her and us. We raise our great grand daughter so had time to get her to understand, Kallie has a cancer. The past 3 weeks her stools were black and tar like and the sores started opening and her fur was almost sticky. She refused to eat and BOOM the sores turned into large tumors under her belly and areas on her body. I could not believe how fast they grew. She refused to give us ANY eye contact anymore and just looked sad. We decided to take her to the vet and have her put down. We could not stand watching her like this. She loved car rides so took her for a long ride that morning and took her in to have her put down. We did stay with her but it was not easy. They gave her a shot, which calmed her down and then put in her iv. She went to sleep and had a few tears (I want to believe it was because she was relieved that we chose to do this today) I do not know this for sure but I need to believe that for Kallie. Afterwards she was so peaceful, like she was sleeping. (She was in bad shape) We chose to have her cremated so she will be coming home in a couple of weeks. Actually, when she took her last breath, she was home. We miss her like crazy and still having a hard time with it. It is still a shock but even though we knew this was done for Kallie, doesn’t make it any easier. You say you have no closure? You gave your closure the day you decided not to be selfish enough to let him/her live in pain anymore. Your dog knew how much LOVE you gave and knew it was time. There are so many people in this world who will judge you for what you couldn’t do but never gave you credit for what you did for you fur buddy when he/she was living. Guilt is something that we all carry and part of life. I can talk because I am writing this but it is hell as she was our baby. Last night we came home and I knew she wasn’t here but I still call out “Kall Dog, we are home” Not sure if it was just to say it or wished she would try to sneak out that door,(and run) one last time. I have decided not to get another dog, it hurts too much in the end. I am so glad I ran across this site. You did good. You gave your dog a gift at the end. FREEDOM from the pain this dog went through, Hope this helped.
Thank you for sharing.. not being in the room OR returning to the room after the deed was done is something that I wonder if I should feel guilty about when the topic arises in my mind.
I do feel a bit of guilt about not being there in the last moment, but I also feel I made the right choice for myself. I think that carrying the feeling/memory of my first dog, my childhood pet & best friend of almost 10 yrs. passing in my arms or right in front of me would be a sadder memory than the foggy one I have of being in the waiting room clutching her collar & trying not to cry for a little while until we left. I was 19 yrs. old & was with my mother, as we drove my best friend to the expensive veterinary hospital as she struggled to breath, barely holding on. They said we could opt for the surgery but it probably wouldn’t help, or the other option. But I already knew before arriving what the best decision was. She wasn’t going to live through surgery, there was no point in begging my mother to drop $5k+ when I watched her die slowly the last couple weeks. It was the hardest decision of my life & probably always will be. Seven yrs. later I cannot think about it without crying & probably never will be able to. But I knew it had to be done due to what the issue was, she was dying & could barely breath any longer. It was an awful car ride that we won’t ever forget.
My mother & the vet asked if I wanted to be in the room, I said no. I think my mother was in the room, so that’s good at least. They asked if I wanted to see her after, I said no. I couldn’t imagine going into the room to touch & talk to her lifeless body, as if that will change anything at that point. I just wanted to leave. And so we did. It will be something I always wonder about a little, if it would’ve made ANY difference to my dog as she was barely conscious… I don’t think it would have. She was too far gone to probably even know what was what at that last moment. But I loved her way too much to imagine being able to keep it together in that room. What needed to be done for her was done & that’s what truly mattered. But if souls really are separate consciousnesses & are aware when they leave a body then I just hope hers understood my choice & knew that it didn’t mean that I didn’t I love her more than anything in the world.
I have been devastated a few weeks now by what happened with my dog’s euthanasia And I am getting extremely sick over it .My sister sent something and I will post something too.
In my personal opinion I would like to tell you of horrible experience with Dr. Susan Holt of Say Goodbye at Home oh Quincy, MA which was quite different from reviews telling of a caring, engaged, compassionate and comforting person, as she was nothing like the person who came to our door.
From the outset she never touched or greeted our dog or gave him an exam. There was no interacting, engaging or acknowledging our dog, and he looked quite tense and kept looking around.
Waiting for some sort of guidance and direction, we were standing around, holding our dog, when she suddenly came up behind us and quickly injected our dog startling him and causing him to loudly yelp as it was painful. Never asked if we needed more time to say goodbye or if we would have liked to sit down for the injection. She was very uncommunicative, barely answering me at times. But now our opportunity was gone because our dog was drifting off to sleep.We had to quickly put him on the couch, where she instantly prepped him for the IV, causing him to awaken because he wasn’t given enough time for the sedation to work, so yet another injection was given, then the IV. We felt rushed through the whole process.
His final exit was being wrapped in a disposable puppy pad and placing him into the overloaded trunk of her car with just enough room for him as he was pushed into a lightly colored trash bag and shoved to the back.
This final farewell was devastating and heartbreaking and not what I envisioned. I expected so much more and got so much less. Our dog deserved better.
Where was the Dr. Holt who takes the time to pet and talk to a dying dog, making him feel comfortable, encouraging owners to sit down and say their goodbyes before sending him to a peaceful sleep and brings them out in dignity. She did not live up to my expectations.
NEVER EVER hire a vet who is about to go on vacation. It is too late for my dog but don’t let it be too late for your dog.
I am so terribly sorry you had this experience. You didn’t deserve it and neither did your beloved dog. You were victimized at a time that you needed great love and compassion. I am sorry too for a vet who has become so desensitized and- it sounds- angry in her profession that she would treat such a profound moment with such disrespect. Please don’t keep reliving that moment. You didn’t fail your dog. Try hard to remember all the joyful, loving and tender times.
Hi Jen. I’m going through the same thing now with my cat princess of 15 years. I can’t stop crying. My chest hurts so much. I just want the pain to stop. To go away. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Nobody I know understands. I feel so alone.
Bruce,
I’m so sorry no one me responded to your post. Perhaps no body saw it, since many people didn’t get a response. I know it’s been over a year, but it saddened me that you had to go through this alone. I can tell you loved Princess immensely and that many cats would feel honored to have you as a Dad.
I had to say Goodbye to my beautiful cat, Java last week and of course ive been crying every day. I miss her so so much. To you, and all of the amazing pet parents here including the author, I say that all of us are wonderful pet parents, regardless of the natural guilt that we feel. I truly believe each pet here was fortunately to have parents that loved them so much. Hugs.
I know this is an older post, but thank you. I just had to put my cat to sleep and from the beginning I knew I couldn’t be there at the vet’s. I had to do it though, because no one else was there. I had a major panic attack due to severe ptsd from my father’s death, and I also feel so guilty that my cat’s last memories were of me absolutely losing it. ): the pain of having her drift away in my arms was just too much for me to handle and although I knew it was the right choice to put her to sleep, it didn’t make it any easier.
From what I’ve thought now, I think I’d feel guilty either way – it doesn’t matter if I were in the room or not, I would’ve felt guilty. I guess that’s what comes with the responsibility of choosing for your pet.
Thank you, your story helped me. Today i said goodbye to my babygirl 13 years. I had it planned all weekend, i was going to hold her snd be there every step till the end. After going into “the room” i was ok crying and praying and then right before the doctor came to administer, I started tingling from head to toe, lightheaded snd i knew i was going to pass out if I didn’t leave. Through my grief and pain I left my babygirl. My 18 year old daughter was left to continue through.
I needed help to get me to car.
The guilt is awful. I heard her bark at me as to say “ hey, where you going”
I just couldn’t follow through and Im trying to except my panic attack and that I left her.
Terrible pain
But thank you for your story now I dont feel so alone
I understand where you’re coming from completely. I just had to put my 12 year old husky to sleep. She was having a lot of issues, and declined after Christmas. She wasn’t eating or drinking among several other things. I had to take her to the emergency vet. And for various reasons, took her alone. They told me all of these things we could try; but also said that she likely wouldn’t start eating and drinking again, and that they couldn’t say if any of it would help. I chose to end her suffering. I did stay for the procedure to comfort my dog, alone. I was sobbing the entire time. It has been several days now, and even though I stayed with her, I still feel immense guilt that I didn’t try to prolong her life by taking the other measures that were suggested as options. I think I’m this situation, we are going to feel some sense of regret and guilt no matter what. Most of us love our animals like children and in my opinion, this is one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with. There is no right way to feel. But you’re right, that it is unfair of others to judge someone based off of what they think is best.
I lost my dog in October of 2018. She was 12 years old and had end stage kidney failure. We made the heart wrenching decision to have her euthanized. Both my husband and I were present and her passing was peaceful and painless. If I could do it all over, I’m not confident I would have present. Although I know it was the right decision to euthanize, the memory of that event still haunts me. Be kind to yourself and know that you made the best decision for yourself at the time.
Want to thank you for your article, I only made it halfway but I will get through it, it just hit way to close to home, with our 3yr old Belgian malinois, I regret not being in the room every day and it’s eating me up every single day, I knew it had to be done but the thought of being in the room and holding him as he took his last breath is something that I couldn’t do,,, and I hate myself for not being with him. Thank you again
This hit me hard. I had the exact same thing happen to me and my husband had to stay with our pup as I hyperventilated and sat in the car. I could not do it. I just couldn’t. I’ve gone back and forth between am I against euthanasia or maybe something like at home would make it easier? I don’t know all I know is as bad as it was if I would have physically witnessed that it would have been terrible for everyone involved including my dog
Yesterday, we had to say goodbye to our gorgeous dog Millie. We knew she was not going to get better and in not making the decision she was only going to get worse. She had been with the vet since Tuesday and we went to say goodbye yesterday. When we went into the room she got so excited and that was heartbreaking as I am sure she thought we had come to take her home. We had time with her then the vet gave her a sedative which made her slowly fall asleep. The only comfort is that ours were the last voices and touch that she felt. Our hearts are broken
THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS, i’M TELLING YOU THIS AS TEARS STREAM DOWN MY FACE UNCONTROLLABLY :'( mY CAT IS 18 YEARS OLD AND I’VE HAD HER SINCE SHE WAS 3 AND A HALF, THE LONGEST I’VE HAD ANY ANIMAL BEFORE HER WAS 1-2 YEARS AND
DEATH HAS ALWAYS ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY DEVASTATING TO ME, I JUST LOST MY STEPMOM ON JULY 22CD A EX BOYFRIEND ON FEB 1ST AND A UNCLE TO SUICIDE ON FEB 3RD OF THIS YEAR. lOSING MY STEPMOM HAS BEEN THE HARDEST AND NOW MY MAMA KITTY THAT I WAS HOPING WOULD PASS PEACEFULLY IN HER SLEEP BUT SO FAR SHE HASN’T AND IF SHE DOESN’T BY 11 O’CLOCK THIS AFTERNOON MY EX BOYFRIEND/ROOMMATE IT TAKING HER IN. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A COWARD, I FEEL LIKE I’M ABANDONING HER AND I KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE THEN TO COME ACROSS THIS POST WAS MORE THAN I CAN TAKE. HOW CRUEL https://www.heart.co.uk/lifestyle/why-shouldnt-leave-room-pets-put-to-sleep/ I LOVE MAMA KITTY WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND ALTHOUGH I KNOW ITS NOT POSSIBLE FOR HER TO LIVE FOREVER THE CHILD IN ME WANTS HER TO AND MY EMOTIONS CAN GET A BIT UNREASONABLE. GOD KNOWS MY HEART AND THAT IS ALL THAT SHOULD MATTER SO I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M LETTING OTHERS HATEFUL CRUEL WORDS GET TO ME :'( PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY MAMA KITTY. I’M SORRY FOR THE CAPS, FORGOT TO TURN THEM OFF AFTER TELLING THAT VETERINARY CLINIC OFF I HAVE ABOUT 9 HOURS LEFT WITH HER :'(
My Princesse crossed the rainbow bridge on July 31st 2019. She was a cat, around 17 years old. I had a special bond with her. She was beautiful, smart and sweet. She was sick for quite awhile and at the end, I had no choice. But I was alone and although I was able to be there for my dog I had before her, I was not able to do it. When it happened with my dog Rocky, I thought I was able to handle it. The moment I saw the needle, I lost it. Completely, I cried, I scream. Someone had to hold me. At least I wasn’t alone. But with my girl, I was and I was afraid of my reaction. I had a much more deep connection with her so it was like watching my baby being killed in front on my eyes. I wanted to be there FOR her. She deserved it. I will always remember her little face when the vet left the room with her. But the guilt. It was killing me. I do have anxiety too and depression. The pain was unbearable after. It was like a bad dream the whole time. And the vet was upset at me. I could see it. I will always feel guilty. I can’t forget her. I think of her every minute of every day. She is always a part of me. At least if I had been there. Maybe I will have some peace of mind. I didn’t know about home euthanasia. Next time, that’s what I will do. I do have her ashes at home where she belongs with her paw print and a picture I have put and the blanket she had that I asked the vet to give me back after. It was one of the worst night of my life. I just couldn’t. I was afraid of my reaction. I just wanted to run out of the vet hospital with her. I KNOW I would have scream and probably completely lose it. I had no one with me which didn’t help. I was afraid she might be upset at me but I got some signs from her after. I even saw her from the corner of my eyes real fast and eared her meow which was very distinct. I also found a feather in the dryer. She will always be with me. Thank you so much for your article. Even if it still hurts and I know I will have to live with the guilt, at least I know I’m not alone. Like you, I felt like a monster. I still do sometimes. I hope one day I will find peace of mind.
I don’t know how long the pain and heartache will last but it is a devastating pain and sorrow I have to deal with. My little girl I called “My Prettiest” was the sweetest little girl I could have ever wished for. I retired in July 2019 and she was my shadow from wakening till bedtime for the last year of her life. She would go on car rides with me, she would keep me company when I was doing yard work and she would sleep cuddled next to me when I was watching tv or on the laptop. At bedtime she would grab a toy from her toybox and run upstairs and sit by the bed waiting to be pick up. After a little grooming she would lie down by me and scoot and cuddle up until she fell asleep. My little girl, Mocha was just 8 years old, when in April 2020 she started to have trouble breathing and a bloated belly. We rushed her to emergency where we found out she had developed fluid around her heart and in her abdomen. Prior to this she had seizers which were off and on but getting worst around April. She continued to have on and off good and bad days until June, when again she was getting fluid in her little body. This time the fluid was tested and she had cancer in the fluid around her heart. We where told that continually draining her fluids would not be a good outcome. Finally, on August 6th 2020 we had to have her euthanized. The guilt I feel from having to put her down is overwhelming. I feel like I took her to her death. I can’t stop wondering if there was anything else, I could have done. When I close my eyes all I see is her pretty little face at that last moment before she was gone. I sometimes feel like “what have I done” I killed her and can’t get passed it. The tears are abundant and often. I thought of not being there when she was being put down but I could not leave her, but just because I was there did not make it any easier, as I see her little face my ever-waking moment. I know the pain and sorrow will subside but for now it is excruciating.
I just read your article, I am going through this right now, I have a poorly dog of 12 years old she has a large mass in her stomach, and there are problems with her spine as she cannot walk on her back legs to which she is on pain medication making her very sleepy, her quality of life is never going to be the same again, I just can’t put her to sleep, even thinking about it makes me want to be sick, I get dizzy, light headed, maybe I am selfish, feeling like I haven’t had enough time with her I want more time, your article has helped me and I thank you for sharing it
I had my dear Molly for over 16 years. She was my first dog. We loved each other so much. I always worked from home so we were together all the time. You would never guess her age, she was so active and happy. She was in excellent health until one night she was ahead of me going into the living room and she just spun around and fell down. She laid there for several minutes then got up and took a couple steps and fell down again. Her breathing was very labored. I carried her into the living room and put her on the couch. She spent the whole night with her head on my thigh and we were just looking each other in the eye while I stroked her. We both were saying goodbye and assuring each other that we would be ok.
I took her to the vet first thing the next morning. The vet examined her and took an X-ray. She came back and told me the Molly was in heart failure. She said we had two choices. One – we could keep her there in oxygen for two ro three days and then send her home with medicine and a water pill. She could live a month or two longer, maybe six months, maybe a year. Or we could put her down, although she’d hate to see me o this without even trying.
I was really surprised by her recommendation. Molly enjoyed a fantastic quality of life up until 12 hours before. I couldn’t see extending the inevitable for a few months while Molly merely endured. I chose to put her down. I don’t have to tell you what an agonizing decision that was to make.
I told the vet that I couldn’t go back with her. I felt we had said our goodbyes and that she would just go gently off to sleep but I didn’t feel that I could watch it. At the time I just felt there was no way I could go through it. I also felt that sensing how I was feeling might make her scared. I didn’t know if I would regret my decision but I knew I couldn’t do it then.
A few of my friends could not believe I did not go back with her. It made me feel like i had failed my beloved dog. But others have told me it is alright. I felt we had said our goodbyes in a very tender night. Unfortunately they have sown seeds of regret in me. I was really upset for many days and still my heart aches when I think about it.
I talked to my adult niece about it and she made me feel better. She told me that she had done it both ways – she had gone back and she had not. She said probably the next time she probably would not. She told me it is a personal decision. I feel like Molly would have understood and supported my decision.
Too everyone who has euthanised or is facing euthanising a pet I send my support in what for some people is a very dark time in their lives. The pain , the what ifs and second guessing both before and after are horrible. The pain does in time decrease but it never really goes completely away.
The empty house, lack of welcome home the companionship all missing. A being shaped hole in your life that you trip over at inconvenient moments when you see a forgotten or hidden toy.
Be brave people our companions needs have to be put first. We need to be brave to make the decision and then do what needs to be done. Its not easy, love isn’t easy.
Don’t judge yourself or others for any perceived failures in your response or reaction to the process just like our many furred, scaled, feathered, companions we are all unique all we can do is give of our best at the time.
Grieve when you can, but look back and see the love that was there. You cant reach it or touch it but it is always and forever bound to your heart.
Be loved because you loved, be safe because you kept them safe, do your best they did their best. Show yourself affection because it they could see how sad you are you know they’d try to comfort you if they were still here.
My road today is day 1 of making the decision I write this with tears running down my face. In a week I will be completely alone. Once the deed is done I will weep copiously. I will mourn my friend of 16 years as I mourn her sister who I uthanised just under two years ago.
After this there will be no more pets. I cannot and will not do this again.
That was a beautifully written post. I just said goodbye to my best friend last week and it hurts deeply. I hope you are ok. Hugs to you and all the loving people here.
My 8 year old fur baby suddenly became very ill about a month and a half ago. Lea has since lost her sight, hearing, and sense of smell. She is in the hospital at the moment because she is too weak to eat, drink, or walk. I had the doctors run every test I could think of and they can’t find what’s causing her sudden decline in health. They suspect a brain tumor and have explained to me that at that point there is nothing they could do. My heart was breaking as I read your story because I know in my heart that this is exactly what I will be facing in a few days. I cannot stand to watch Lea suffer any longer. She is being kept as comfortable as possible by being hooked up to an IV feeding her fluids, pain medication, and antibiotics right now. As soon as she’s off of it, she will be right back to suffering and sleeping all day. We will be picking her up tonight so that her family members and friends can say their last goodbyes. I love her so much…she has been my best friend since I adopted her at 3 months old from the humane society. Thank you for sharing your story. I’d be the one to pass out too and although Lea can no longer see or hear, I know she would still feel my anxiety.
Thank you much for opening your heart to us. I felt like I was walking on your shoes. It has actually given me comfort as I walk the same journey today. My beloved 15 year old female cat, Stockings, is scheduled to be put to sleep today between 2:30 to 3:30pm. It will be done here on our home. She’ll be allowed to pass on in her favorite bed. My heart is being shredded apart as I write this but your story gives me courage to bear the ordeal.
God bless you and all of the pet owners who must walk through this excruciatingly painful experience. May time heal the open wound the loss of our precious pet leaves on our soul.
No, having anxiety disorder is not selfish. But using it as an excuse for everything and making others carry your burdens and baggage with the line “But I have anxiety!” sure is.
You at least attempted to be with your animal at their death, and that’s laudable. The issue is when people don’t even try, and write it off as “Well I just can’t handle it.” My mother refused to take any of her animals to the vet, or even spend time with them when the time came, because she “Just couldn’t handle it.” Between the ages of nine and 23, I personally had to sit with and comfort nine animals during their euthanasia, including four dogs, four cats, and a horse. By myself. Nobody there to support me. Only two of those animals were mine.
My mother used her anxiety as an excuse to shirk the burden off onto me. And that deeply affected me, too, though nobody bothered to notice. Instead I would get compliments like, “You’re so mature,” and, “You’re so good at handling these things.”
But it was no choice of mine. I did these things because SOMEBODY had to, and nobody else was stepping up. It’s not like I can “naturally” handle that kind of trauma better. I absolutely can’t. But through practice and preparation, I got better at it.
And that’s the issue. Every time you say, “I can’t do XYZ because of my anxiety,” somebody else has to do it for you. And yes, that is inherently selfish. You don’t feel okay euthanizing your dog, but you’re more than okay making your spouse or family member do it, even though it’s just as emotionally wracking for them. Same goes for everyday instances; “My anxiety is too bad to go grocery shopping” becomes “Someone else has to do all my grocery shopping for me for an indefinite amount of time, and I use anxiety to excuse that.”
For the record, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 16, so it’s not like I’m unfamiliar with the difficulties. But I am unfamiliar with this notion of, “I have anxiety, therefore I can’t do XYZ and should leave it to someone else.” Someone else won’t always be available. Eventually, you will run into an instance where nobody else can pick up the slack for you. One day you’re going to have to get comfortable doing things that make you panic or give you anxiety, because there won’t always be someone else willing or able to do it for you.
I am going through this process right now. We adopted a 4 month old puppy in September, and after a couple of months we found out he has a degnerative birth defect that there is no cure for and is progressive. He turns 8 months old tomorrow and it is killing me. Even knowing there isn’t a way for him to get better, my wife and I are finding it hard to make the decision. I don’t know if I can be in the room with him and watch him go. I’m afraid the image will scar me. This whole thing is heartbreaking and has consumed us to a point where our quality of life is suffering to but we are having a hard time finding acceptance and being able to let go.
I had to put down my dog yesterday, it was much harder than I thought it would be, because I knew with his condition he might just die on his own before he couldn’t walk anymore (bone cancer.)
After the experience, I would say it’s definitely not for everyone. Obviously, you should say goodbye before, but the dog probably doesn’t know it’s not a routine thing, so the dog isn’t going to be disappointed not having you there in that final moment. The hardest part is seeing their lifeless body, because except for the vet, it’s not obvious to a layperson when the dog is gone, since they look out of it when they’re sedated first. That image is one a lot of people wouldn’t want in their head.
Reading this helped me a lot. I had to make the decision to put my 13 year old dog down on June 5th of last year. He had been taken to the vet who called with the news. They asked if i wanted to be there, but it was too difficult for me. I get filled with guilt on not being there for him. His death still gets to me. I’ve read books which say how important it is to be there for your pet which make my guilt worse. I loved him greatly and it makes me feel like a bad person for not being there.
My wife worked as a vet tech for number of years when she first started in the 1980’s she worked for a vet where if a dog was “dropped off” the vet would have the techs practice running IV’s on that dog before they euthanized. She was young only 18 so she didn’t know any better later she worked for other vets that didn’t do that. She always said don’t ever leave your pet to be euthanized alone at least have someone from your family be there with them. Also one of our dogs we took in they didn’t use any sedation and the dog body twitched lot during the process. It was long time ago all of the ones since have, but I’m sure there are some vets if you don’t ask about it will not use sedation. They don’t use any sedation at the county pound they euthanize 100 at a time healthy dogs.
I read your essay with a million tears. I’m actually going through this right now, but I live alone, I’m new to the area, and my closest family is 12 hours away. I thought a hundred times I wish somebody could just come pick her up and take her to do it. I’ve been crying for days and don’t know how I’m going to get through really the rest of my life without my girl. So much pain, so much heartbreak, so much fear of having to do it alone. It almost feels incapacitating. I don’t know how I’m going to do it or if I even can. Honestly I just don’t think I can even though I probably should. So heartbreaking.
I’m struggling with the same as we speak, I have to make the call in the morning. I have lost sleep over this. My heart and head are having this huge battle, my head has to win. I will do my very best to keep it together for Berhinger, he’s my baby and I hate the thought of letting him go, honestly can’t bear the thought, he sleeps with me, goes camping, all the stuff I love to do, as much as one can do with a Great Dane. No negative comments from this heartbroken mamma, I know the love I have for mine and having to do this is tearing me up.
Thank you for sharing your story. I just put my baby girl of 14 1/2 years to rest. First of all, my heart is breaking and I can’t stop feeling guilty for doing that. I took her to the vet for a “quality of life” check up. I knew she was suffering, but she was such a good girl that she never complained. At the office, when I saw how much weight she had lost, I felt like dying. She was worst than what I thought. The vet told me that she was suffering too much from the pain, and that it was going to get worst. She advised to do it that day. I don’t know why I agreed. Now, I regret it and I wish I could go back and bring her home with me. I just wanted my baby to stop suffering. I stayed with her until she went to sleep, but I couldn’t stay for the end. I couldn’t even think about seeing my baby girl lifeless. Now, I regret it. I wish I could’ve been there. This guild is killing me and I don’t know how to deal with it. I miss her so much…
Thank you so so much for writing this article. It must have been so hard to do this to help others.
It’s been 9 months since we had to put our sweet cat down due to sinus cancer.
She was a light in the dark for me. I hope she knows how very loved she still is wherever she is.
She was super timid and petrified of the vets but we decided it would be best it was done in that environment not at home in case anything went wrong as she was very hard to keep still.
The vet was awful (do NOT go to any of the Barn Lodge Vets in West Lancs!) and wasn’t prepared properly and made us go from one room outside through a car park to an operating theatre past two huge barking dogs which terrified my cat.
I have an anxiety disorder also and other mental health problems and ptsd issues that were definitely triggered by all this and I too was just in that state of autopilot shock you described and just went along with it all even though I regret not stopping it when I realised in hindsight it should have been dealt with better much better she deserved much better than how it happened but I was in such a state I wasn’t thinking straight.
When we got to the operating theatre she was pinned down on a big metal operating table while a huge steriliser machine churned out the most deafening noise – they clearly weren’t expecting this when my mum had clearly said on the phone we were coming to do this – the vet was like nonchalantly – “yea sorry about the noise – stand there where she can see you” .
It was ME who got her out the box so I feel so guilty , the most indescribable guilt that I took my poor baby into that situation and she trusted me . At least I managed to ask if I was doing the right thing and if she could be on her blanket but that’s the only thing I could hear any response to before the noise drowned everything out and I just nearly keeled over.
we couldn’t hear over the terrible noise – like repeated mechanical foghorn noises and I didn’t know if I could touch her because I couldn’t hear the vet over the noise and we had to wear masks due to covid so I couldn’t see his mouth – I can honestly say I understand why you passed out because I very nearly did.
I regret not touching and stroking her more than a slight quick touch of her head as I was so terrified of anything going wrong and her struggling more etc if I did something wrong.
I am sensitive to the fact you weren’t able to do that even I’m so sorry.
I am haunted by what I didn’t do almost daily still.
I can completely empathise with why you passed out as I really very nearly did only my mum was behind me as I crouched on the floor and she was holding my shoulders and I too was gasping for breath so I think I would possibly have gone myself if she hadn’t been grasping me.
It certainly wasn’t the peaceful goodbye I’d hoped for and I am still wracked with guilt that she was so scared in her last moments and I didn’t touch her more. I tried to look away first and then I thought I shouldn’t do that so forced myself to look for her but thought in hindsight she might not have seen it was us due to the masks but also take some comfort in the fact by trying to think that she couldn’t see my face twisted with tears and panic.
I know you worry your dog was worried about you in a similar way so it was probably best you got out of there so that wasn’t prolonged for them and at least your boyfriend was with them in their final moments and you had hugged and kissed them goodbye remember that ❤️
Reading this you have reminded me that we did our very best in a very bad situation.
I’m so sorry you were unable to be there when you were trying to be and that you are still plagued with guilt but don’t forget you were actually there really – you were brave enough to go and try your best and it’s a lot more difficult for people with certain conditions like us to be able to function in those situations but you did all you could. You couldn’t help that your body and nervous system gave out.
Thank you again for your article. Every couple of days I am knocked fully sick with guilt about the whole thing. You have really helped me and reminded me we have to radically accept that we have done our ultimate best for our beloved friends. We cannot undo it and the way it went but we can remind ourselves that it was through pure love that we endured that to avoid our lovely friends suffering and dying in a much worse way.
I hope we can learn to forgive ourselves. Love and healing thoughts to everyone going through this on here.
My dog is 15 now and i know the time will come, sooner rather than later. I can not cope. I cry for hours if even the thought enters my mind and i fear having to hold her while she is murdered and transferring my destress on to her. I don’t know what i will do when the day comes, I’ve been crying for years just thinking about it. Thank you for voicing that maybe not being there in the final minuts is actually the kindest option.
First of all , thank you all for the experiences, very touching subject.
Yesterday 28-07-2022 we had to euthanize our cat Inno that we had for 11 1/2 years and i just cant believe how absolutelly destryoyed me and my wife are.
We arrived in the U.K. and after some years one of our neigbours had a cat as had a few others in the houses around us. So , sometimes he would be outside the building door waiting for someone to open it so he coud get inside and head for the appartment door scraching the door with his little paws. Once i opened the door and the neighbour didnt seem to be around anymore, so we put some food outside our door,couple days went by and one day i looked at him and he seemed to be limping , so i examined him , he let , he trusted me somehow, even used to recognize my car arriving from work.
So me and wife talk, go to the neighbours door , nobody in , and altough we didnt had much money at all, we called a vet , got in , did his first examination,washed, vaccines, neuterred, chipped , etc.And we take him now home with us inside as he had no fleas etc. NOW ,it was part of our family. Life is hard for everybody , and Inno helped us much more that we ever could help him.I had animal before and usually i create a strong bond if its my pet,not the first cat either, but WOW.
He waked me up, with is little paws in my face every day, and would go stand on my chest before sleep, lay down besides on my side of the bed , lay there 5 minutes for couple strokes , and then go to his nest.he had 1 specific purr that he related to one word of mine.it toke some time to train, but he would do THAT one only in once circunstance, it was unbelievable. Neihbour once came back and wanted the cat back, nope and bye.we changed house and couldt let him outside so we got a cat leash that he toke as trust was main, and off to the front garden when possible.
He was getting old , but 2 days ago me and my wife saw him having an episode where he was in panic not beeing able to walk , tumbling and going agains the wall, it toke like 10 seconds total MAX, we rushed to him, and in 30 seconds we calmed him down stroking his little fur . went on line check symtoms , and observed him during the reswt of the day, eating ,drinking lot water , resting.Next day was on the phone with my sister while getting an appointment, he had another episode, very scared, and went hidding in the closet breathing VERY fast , absolutly racing , open mouth,OMG my boy is not well .25 minutes later we are in the emergency vet , he lost a lot weight even after all the food changed we did over the years ,The vet starts talking with me and ive had years of sales, had lot trainning dealing with people and her speech just blancks me out as i understand the “prepare” underlying message. The Love of my life takes to 2 shot to see if he can breathe better, to see whats causing all this . The GOD DAM result is negative and he dont respond positivelly.
The vet was a real professional, i thanked her later for beeing honest , but right NOW i want know what the hell is happening, so? She goes after more time and its several things, but his one heart dilation, and i just cant believe.We consider bring him home , tomorrow maybe do tests , but he is not well, this is getting worse,more frequent,the vet says we cant fix this and the breathing is critical and i just die there imagining my cat dying at home suffering for how long with my useless self just standing there ?We decide what i see costed me the most so far to do in my life.His blanket is not there , his treat neither, and i just CANT immagine the tough of seeing my Inno go lifeless in panic so im not there either and this is killing me.
I know the reasons , i know the arguments , i just know , but my brain is just not computting nothing above superficial 10 secs toughts.Ive lost people before-friends and familly . weeks old sister, grandfather and one uncle marked me the most , but the crying and absollute crushing sadness and despair is just unbeliveable.Its like i have it printed in my eyes and everything i see its in the background of my cat. Ive lost i literal part of me , i dont know where it is , my chest hurst somewhere inside, and as a 46 year old male i just cant stop crying ,My Inno, my little chicken wing ( i used to call him thatto tease him)wont be back, and i miss him terribly.
I just had to get my dog put to sleep, she was 14 and full of energy but dislocated her back hip and it wouldn’t stay in. I now feel horrible and feel like what I did was a mistake. I miss her so much. I hate the fact that I feel like I took her being here for granted and now she is gone I’m realizing all things I missed out on.
Also want to state that I am a caregiver for my paralyzed mom and money is a major issue, the surgery would have been 4k-6k and with her advanced age, she might not have been able to survive surgery. I feel like I am making excuses up and i hate being poor because if I was actually had money she would be alive, or at least would have had a much better chance of surviving. I treat my dogs like my kids and it tears my heart out when one of them dies, especially for something that was completely fixable, just expensive
I just want to send you and everyone who has lost an animal on here LOVE AND PEACE. We just had to go through this with our baby Lucy who was only 7. She was a 5/6 pounds yorkie who was complicated AKAstubborn but very loving. I HAD NO IDEA how hard it would be. None. We had a new doctor and the nurse told us we would have time with her after the first injections to say our goodbyes. Then the doctor came in and ran through like she was on a stopwatch. It was awful. I have never seem anything like my mom’s face when the doctor said, “She is gone” Why in the hell could we not have a minute. They were SO busy. I got hysterical. Literally. It was terrible. My mom still has a lot of guilt, but she had a collapsed trachea and I know it must have been terrible for her. Scary and uncomfortable when she could not breath very well. My advice would be to talk it through with the doctor before they start and get the conversation about the money and what to do next over ahead of time. Thank you for sharing your story and to everyone else who shared. We love our babies and it hurts. It just means that we loved them whole-heartedly when they were on this Earth and what more could an animal or human for that matter ask for or need? Take peace in that please. Give yourself some love too!
Sorry, I completely disagree with this. I will never forgive myself for not being there for my cat when he died, and I will probably never process the grief of losing him because of that. I was a bad pet owner and I recognize that, which is why I’ve decided not to have any more pets in the future. Some people simply are not cut out to help an animal pass away, and that’s fine! It just means you can’t have pets that you’re going to abandon at the vet’s office to be killed like they aren’t your responsibility, the same way you can’t have kids that you’re going to leave on the side of the road to die from the elements. Having pets is not a human right, and I truly believe that we should consider whether we’re able to help them take that next step BEFORE selfishly buying an animal because we think it’d be nice for US to have their companionship. We are there for THEM, not the other way around.
Thank you, I just with I could believe it tonight. We have to take our elderly cat early in the AM tomorrow, unless, please god, she passes tonight and I just… can’t.
In a 4 month span in 2021, we lost first my Pandora who I had for almost 20 years, and I held strong (although I ran out of the office right after and threw up for about half an hour). Then we lost Pixie, Buddy and Bunny in about 2 months because cancer is just evil and doesn’t care how you beg. Each time, just gritted my teeth and did what I thought was best for them.
Luna is in the other room, on a sleeping pad, hissing weakly if we bother her and I… I can’t do this. I can’t take her, I can’t be there. I’m being an evil selfish monster and making my husband take her alone. I can’t stop crying and I keep throwing up and I just can’t. This article will help… later. After. In a bit. But I’m shattering right now.